Alicia Panettiere

Updates

2012-01-15T09:07:00.000-06:00

So it's been over 3 months since my last blog post. I haven't been on Fetlife much either, nor on Twitter. As you may remember, I began hunting for a full-time job back in June. Well it took awhile because the job market is pretty tough right now as per all the news shows about folks not finding employment and losing their homes. I was not any different, as by the time I found a job in October, my house had started going into foreclosure and I was barely (by the skin of my teeth) able to save it. It has been quite stressful starting a new job under these circumstances, but I'm finally getting on solid ground again.

When I set out to find a job, I was looking for just that...a job. But what I got was a career instead. I was looking for something to do with web design, but in addition to that, I got into application development, which is a whole lot more in depth and challenging than web design. So I've been busy learning and becoming proficient at some computer programming languages. I am so grateful to have the opportunity that I have with this. With no college degree, I was able to step into something like this, with time to teach myself a new skill set. For the first couple of months on the job I was questioning whether I'd be able to handle it and fears of getting fired were at the forefront of my mind. But now I'm becoming more confident in my newfound abilities and finding that I do in fact have an aptitude for it. And yes, that is right...I am an IT nerd. LOL

As for the traveling, I won't get vacation time until I've been on the job for 6 months. That is torture for me I tell you! So I'm looking at late April/early May before I can really get out of Kansas for any significant amount of time. I don't have any plans as of yet, though I'd really like to attend the Chicago Ageplayers Convention (CAPCon). I've never been to any Ageplay events and my Daddy and I would like to go, so I'll see if I can make it work.

The videos have kind of come to a standstill. About a month or so ago, the payment processor that I was using for my website revoked my account because of the "sexually oriented" material. Alot of us in the spanking world use this particular payment processor, for videos, sessions, and convention registrations. When they shut me down, they cancelled both my business & personal accounts, which I believe was lowballing because I've never used my personal account for any scene related stuff. So anyways, now I am limited to just Clips4Sale, which takes a huge percentage of the sales proceeds. So much so that with just that avenue, I will not be making enough to even recover the production expenses and make producing videos worth my while. At least based upon my current & historical sales records. Unfortunately, as nice as it is to receive good feedback from those who enjoy my videos, I cannot continue to produce them on feedback alone. I need to be able to see a little bit of a return on my investment. I know there are tons of people who enjoy my videos, but in order to continue with this I'll need to have people put their money where their mouth is, so to speak. If my sales where to match up to the amount of good feedback that I receive, I'd be able to continue. I've got some footage 'in the can' so to speak, of the video I shot with Kat St. James but I haven't begun to edit it yet.

I'm unsure of whether I will continue to accept sessions. Right now I'm limited to just the weekends. But frankly, of the number of people that apply for a session, only about 10% (or less) actually pan out. There is alot of sorting through applicants, determining which ones are serious and which ones simply want to get their rocks off by communicating and talking about a possible session, with no intent to actually follow through. Like alot of other things in life, the ones that screw it up end up adversely affecting those who are sincere and well-meaning. I've had some wonderful sessions with most all those who show up for their appointments. But I'm starting to wonder if it is worth sifting through all the other trash to find the diamonds in the rough. It is to be determined whether I will continue with the sessions.

So, on the whole, my life has switched back to being mostly vanilla. It is wonderful to be getting back on my feet and starting to enjoy my new career. Time will tell whether I choose to transition out of the professional side of the scene for good and revert back to being a participant only. I think ultimately it can be summed up as BURNT OUT. I do miss the times of traveling and meeting people, spending time with those friends that I've made in the scene. Time will tell.

Big shoot on Monday!

2011-10-06T22:06:00.000-05:00

The big day is quickly approaching! I'll be picking up Kat St. James at the airport on Sunday night so she'll be here for the video shoot on Monday. My nerves are definitely kicking in. This past week has been pretty busy for me as I had to fill-in as receptionist at my step-dad's business, which took away from alot of my last minute preparation time. I've had some upper & middle back pain which left me trying to do various things to relieve it but finally it seems to be getting better. So now I'm kicking it in high gear to do some tidying up in the rooms that we'll be shooting in.

I think I'm actually growing to really like the production/directing side of the videos, maybe even more than simply being in them. This is the 2nd custom video that I will have done and I hope to have the opportunity to do many more in the future.

This film will be called, "The Younger Step-Mother", and the basic scenario is that Kat is the 20 year old Step-Mother and I her 28 year old step-daughter who is very immature for my age and highly lacks respect for my much younger step-mother.

The client wrote the script, and one other thing that is included is the premise of getting in trouble for leaving skid marks in the panties. There won't be anything shown, just verbal references and the act of Kat "inspecting my panties". This particular item is not in my headspace and not my style at all. But I am wanting to hear from my fans about what you would like to see. I will be making this film available for purchase, but my plan is to edit out the parts that reference skid-marked panties because of my personal preference. I'm interested in hearing what you think on this.

Fans: Please comment on your preference. Leave skid mark references in the film or edit all the skid mark references out of the film that I make available to the public?

Directed Self-Spankings

2011-09-21T06:41:00.109-05:00

Plain old self-spankings don't do anything for me. Doesn't get into my headspace, and I can't hit myself very hard. In one word: Pointless.

So when my Daddy (long distance disciplinarian at the time) approached me back when about doing webcam, directed self-spankings as a form of discipline, I was extremely cynical. I didn't refuse, didn't safeword, but I told him, "It's not gonna work, but I'll try it". We tried it, and I was pleasantly surprised.

We used Yahoo IM when we first started doing this a couple years ago, now Skype works best for us. Basically since he lives in NYC and I in Kansas, we needed a viable punishment option to use when we're apart. I don't remember the specifics of the first time we did this, but I'll give a general overview of how it works for us:

I pull the console table from behind the love seat to the side so that when my laptop is sitting on it the arm of the love seat is in full view since this is where I will bend over while I'm administering my own spanking. I've been instructed to have all my implements out and nearby so they are ready for use. I'm expected to have all of this set up before the time of our 'meeting'. The agreed upon time arrives and we meet up online with our webcams. I sit down in front of the webcam while my Daddy talks to me about why I'm getting this spanking and scolding me for being bad and misbehaving. He makes me look directly into the camera so that he's sure he has my full attention.

When it is time for the spanking to begin, he instructs me to stand up and bend over the couch. He tells me that I had better spank myself as hard as I can or else we'll start all over again and it will be longer and with more implements. He normally has me begin over my pajama bottoms with my hand, and when he's ready he has me lower my bottoms and spanking over my panties. He is scolding and directing me all the while, such as "spank harder, get some on the thighs, faster". Next my panties have to be lowered and I continue to spank myself on my bare bottom as he now gets to watch my bottom turn from pink to red. This is when he tells me to use some of the implements that I've placed nearby on the dining room table. It starts to really get difficult here because now it really hurts. It takes submission to a whole new level when you are required to submit to spanking your own self as hard as you possibly can. If I was to refuse, stop, or spank too lightly, I would get in even more trouble. Also, the threat is there that if I don't do it right alone in Kansas, that the next time I'm in New York he will make me self-spank in person AND give me a spanking himself!

Once I've made it through the implements, I'm sent to stand in the corner with some more 'talking-to' to make sure I've learned my lesson. The way my house is arranged, the laptop can also catch me in the corner from where it was placed for the spanking. So he can ensure that I'm standing still, with my arms at my side, and not fidgeting.

Below is a video preview clip of an actual self-spanking session with my Daddy that took place in August 2010, while I was in Los Angeles (filming for Exclusive Education 5) and he was at his home in New York. I had continued to use what he deems as "Unladylike" language, and he was ready to put a stop to it, so I was told to be ready to be punished that evening when he called. He did not know that I was recording it at the time, but I told him after the fact, and he gave me his permission to post the video (after he'd seen it first). If you're interested, the full 9 minutes can be found on my website.

What do I get out of it? Even though he is not there in person giving me the spanking, the mental & emotional aspects of it are still there since he is scolding me and telling me what to do. The spanking does not stop until he's satisfied that I've been thoroughly punished for my behavior. Also, the extreme submission that is required in order to inflict pain on my own self, knowing that it has to be done...or else.

Goes to show that you should try everything at least once because you'll never really know, you just may find that you like it after all. I sure didn't think I'd get anything out of it, but I was wrong. You can't lose anything for trying, but you can open yourself up for the possibility of gaining something good.

Littles and Baby Pride symbol

2011-09-18T08:41:00.001-05:00

I ran across this tonight while poking around on the internet (when I should be busy doing other things I might add). Like the Leather Pride symbol or Gay Pride symbol for examples, this Littles and Baby Pride symbol is a way to show your support of and involvement with the Littles (Ageplay) community.

Ageplayers -- also known as littles -- are probably one of the least understood subcultures in the world of BDSM. It's also a vastly growing section of the community. There are all sorts of people who practice ageplay:

* Adult babies and diaper lovers

* "Kidz" who roleplay being school-age or teenage.

* Sissies, who are "boys" who like to be feminized and made to feel young as a form of power exchange

* Babyfurs, members of the Furry Fandom who are also AB's or DL's

* And the many different kinds of "grownups" who love them - Mommies, Daddies, Aunties, Uncles, Nannies, & Sitters are just a few

(All the above is taken from http://babypridestore.com, which is where the public domain symbol artwork can be found as well)

I fit into the "Kidz" category, because when I am functioning as a Little I am a school-age girl around 6 or 7. My Daddy falls into the "grown-ups" or "Bigs" category. I keep learning all the time about the vast resources, groups, and events for ageplayers. I used to think my Daddy and I were somewhat alone in our kink, but that is definitely not the case. There was even a short time period that he and I hid our involvement in ageplay from others for fear of being judged. I'm glad that we are "out of the closet", even though it has meant that we've encountered a little flack and judgementalism about what we are into. However the vast majority of people have either been supportive of our interest, inquisitive and willing to learn, or just kept their negative views to themselves. We are starting to discover that there are a good number of Ageplayers even among the spanking community.

Fantasy reignited

2011-09-15T01:29:00.000-05:00

So a couple weeks ago, I ran into the pastor of the church I used to attend. The husband of the lady who threatened to spank me when I was a rather sassy and rebellious 19 year old . His wife wasn't with him though, but nevertheless my mind went to that fantasy that I've had of her taking me into her office, putting me over her knee, and giving me a sound spanking for my attitude.

From the video "Church Discipline"

Sarah Gregory and I did a video awhile back in which we played out the fantasy I had, except Sarah took on my role and I played the part of the pastor's wife. Having the opportunity to act out a fantasy of mine was very liberating, even if it was sort of a role reversal. This video will probably always remain among my favorite videos to have made because of the special connection that I have to the scenario.

"Church Discipline"

Sarah did a wonderful job of portraying "me" in the video because her attitude came out very similar to the way mine did back when. Then towards the end of the spanking she cried real tears, not from the pain but from the emotional aspects of the spanking and primarily the love that was shown. I remember always craving the love and affection from my pastors, in addition to the discipline. Well after all, discipline IS a show of love & affection, maybe just not the type of affection that we want. It is referred to as "tough love".

Although the pastor's wife was the primary focus of my fantasy (I mean after all she threatened it!), it still encompassed the pastor as well. I have a strong propensity for wanting a Mother & Father figure to discipline me and care for me. I've frequently fantasized of him telling me to bend over a bed and paddling me.

They frequently talked about child rearing in the sermons, with the whole spare the rod hate the child thing. I always bought the audio tape of sermons where any sort of correction and discipline was mentioned and I would go listen to those parts of them over and over again. In fact I still have alot of those cassette tapes to this day.

There was even one sermon where I got publicly corrected. I wasn't paying attention, was doodling on my notepad, and just generally trying to get negative attention (I liked doing those sorts of things, because it usually meant that I would get scolded in some fashion). All of a sudden, there was a sharp 'thump' on my leg, which startled me. I looked up to see the pastor standing there, with the microphone in his hand, and then he said, "If I were you I would be paying attention!". Right there in front of everybody. Oh my gosh I was soooo embarrassed, but yet in a weird way fulfilled at the same time. All I could do was look down and cry, throughout the rest of the sermon. I was like 'finger spanked' on my leg by the pastor. AND scolded. I was kind of in heaven for months after that...replaying it over in my head, re-reading my journal entry where I recounted all the minut details, and of course fantasized about him actually spanking me after church.

The temptation is definitely strong to approach her and confess my involvement in spanking and ask her if she would follow through with that threat. That would be soooo amazing if she actually did! In my mind I've pictured myself asking her, and her taking my hand in her's and leading me off to correct me. I wonder if it could ever be a reality?

Funny how just a chance meeting and a very short conversation with the pastor had the power to ignite such a strong craving in me for this fantasy to be fulfilled. It was the first time that I've seen either of them since I became involved in the spanking community over 3 years ago, so I guess it makes sense how it could have that strong of an effect. Who knows, maybe some day. I certainly wouldn't be opposed to telling them what I do today, although I'd be REALLY nervous. But I've evolved so much in this that I'm comfortable in who I am and know it is just a part of me. I'm not ashamed of it but at the same time I realize that it is not universally accepted by a long stretch.

Wow this has been quite the late night (early morning) rambling. Time for bed now! Nitey nite.

Coming back to NYC Sept. 21st - 30th

2011-09-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

After what has seemed like months, I will be back in NYC in less than 2 weeks! The job hunt is basically at a standstill - It is just extremely difficult for even qualified people to find a job in today's economy, so I advertised for video shoots and Kelly Payne took me up on it. I will be shooting for her site on the 23rd and possibly the 28th also, so the rest of the time I am open for other bookings and sessions.

If you'd like to book me for a video and/or photo shoot please contact me. I am of course available for spanking shoots, but am also beginning to branch out into other fetishes such as bondage and feet.

Now is the time to book a NYC session because I'm currently running a special of $50 off my normal rate, so book early before spots fill up. The tough economy is rough on us all, so I am doing this discount in an effort to make the sessions more affordable. Session application

I'm super happy to get to see my Daddy. I stay with him anytime that I'm in NYC and it has just been way to long. I've been experiencing a major drought in spanking which should very soon be relieved. :)

Episode #2 of Mister Spankman's Neighborhood: Clean Up Your Act!

2011-09-06T16:56:00.001-05:00

The next recent video series that I've added to my online store is "Clean Up Your Act", episode #2 of the Mister Spankman's Neighborhood series featuring myself in the bottoming role (primarily) and Rich Spankman as the Top, with a little switch action going on.

I did 2 preview clips on SpankingTube for this video. The one above is the 'normal' preview that most people perusing SpankingTube like to see - just spanking. The following preview I did just as a special treat to show a little of the fun side of the video. It includes the full intro where I remade the Mister Roger-esque theme where he changes his sweater & shoes, and then a small piece of the fun dream sequence that is in the video. The above was rated 4 stars, the one below a measly 2 1/2...Ah well, I suppose not very many people appreciate creativity and a sense of humor :(. Regardless, the second preview is a bonus and there if you'd like to watch it.

I'm going to tell something embarrassing on myself here and admit that there is a sliver of truth behind this video. Nobody wants to admit these types of things about themselves for fear of what people may think of them. I've been self-employed for over a year now and quite often I am working out of my home with no reason to leave the house for days at a time. If I don't have any plans for the day that include leaving the house I have been known to stay in my pajamas and not shower all day long. I mean, what's the point, eh? Pj's are sooo comfortable! I also struggle with keeping up on my house chores & cleaning, even though I'm home most of the time it is just not fun to clean and it's hard to get motivated to do it. Since these are issues that I have myself, and I know there are others out there that experience these things, I thought it would be a good topic to address in a video.

In the second episode of Mister Spankman's Neighborhood, Mister Spankman catches Alicia's dog running loose in the neighborhood and brings him back to Alicia's house. When he arrives, he sees that her house is a mess and it appears that she hasn't showered in awhile. Alicia is not taking care of herself and needs to be dealt with.

Part 1 - Mister Spankman lectures Alicia about her responsibilities to herself. While Mister Spankman speaks, Alicia spaces out and dreams of taking him over HER knee for a change. You will see Alicia spanking Mister Spankman over his pants with a bathbrush, and Mister Spankman spanking Alicia over her pants and then on her white cotton panties with his hand. This is a great "switch" video to watch!

Part 2 - Alicia's white cotton panties are lowered and the spanking continues on her bare bottom. Finally she is sent to clean herself up and take a shower, after which she has to report back to Rich for the second part of her spanking. Alicia is now attired in a bathrobe and wet hair as she receives the culmination of her spanking from Mister Spankman. All spanking is done with the hand.

No, the shower is NOT shown on camera...Sorry folks!

Salt Abuse with newcomer MJ

2011-09-02T19:56:00.000-05:00

I've got a couple new video clip series up on my website that I've yet to blog about. I'll start with Salt Abuse, which features myself and MJ, who is a newcomer to the video scene. The following is a short preview clip. The entire series can be purchased from my website, www.AliciaPanettiere.com.

Salt Abuse is a 5 part clip series. It was a real-life discipline taking place between MJ and his "Auntie" due to him continually violating his salt intake. This is the third time that he's been punished so Ms. Panettiere has to make it pretty severe, so implements include: hand, hairbrush, leather strap, slotted wooden spoon, belt, and bath brush. Additionally, he's made to write lines and stand in the corner. MJ was a trooper and took a very hard spanking, and Alicia Panettiere's caring heart shines through in this video series.

I met MJ in November when I flew to Phoenix Arizona for Miss Chris' Sun Valley Spankos party. He is very good friends with Miss Chris & Jenni Mack, and so the two of them introduced me to MJ. He and I seemed to 'click' right away and became good friends as well. It seemed to naturally flow into where I would take on the "Auntie" role with him anytime that I would spank him. I suppose it is not really a role as in roleplay, but it is more inline with what a D/s relationship is, which is the best way that I know how to explain it. I care about him and want the best things in life for him all the time and when I'm relating to him be it through a phone call, email, spending time together in-person, or spanking him, I am his Auntie the majority of the time. He doesn't always call me Auntie but he certainly does if he's being scolded or spanked for a misbehavior.

MJ had expressed a desire some time ago to be in a spanking video, but with him in Florida and me in Kansas it was pretty difficult to make it happen right away. Finally when I was out in Florida in June we made it happen. I brought my equipment along and we talked to try and come up with a scenario idea for a good video. The day we planned to shoot, he confessed to me about his disobedience with salt intake and I had to think no more for a scenario. We no longer needed a scenario with this real-life situation that needed to be addressed.

I sat MJ down at the beginning and we had a long talk about what his rules are regarding eating salt, what had happened in the past when he'd broken those rules, what was getting ready to happen now, and why it was so important for him to obey the rules he'd been given to govern his salt intake. He was made to write lines which he tells me he's never had to do before, and then the spanking began.

MJ was given a very harsh punishment spanking because this was his 3rd offense. This was actually my first time of personally dealing with him on the topic, but I consider him to be a good friend and I do not want to see him doing things to his body that are not healthy. None of us want to see someone we love engaging in behaviors that are harmful to themselves.

He cried quite a bit while the spanking was happening and was very remorseful. Once it was over he was made to stand in the corner with his bottom on display for 20 minutes. The corner time was hard for him to endure, but just like the spanking, he made it through. After it was all done and over with we cuddled.

What I've been up to

2011-08-28T00:32:00.001-05:00

Been awhile since I've posted anything. Heck, been awhile since I've been to any events either. So what the heck have I been up to lately?

This is probably the longest stint that I've been at home in the 3 or 4 years that I've been involved in the spanking community. The reason being simply that I haven't been able to justify the expense of traveling. Sometimes it is the belief that spanking models and pro-disciplinarians are rolling in the dough and make enough money to cover the cost of their trips and then some, but that is not always the case. Some people have asked whether I'd be attending upcoming events like Shadow Lane and although I'd like to be there, finances are tight right now. I've missed other events that I would have liked to be at (Crimson Moon and Florida Moonshine), but I've had to simply make the wise decision to stick around home and not spend. I don't write this to be all "whoa-is-me", but I wanted to explain why you haven't been seeing me around and probably won't for awhile until I start to get back on my feet again.

I am looking for full-time employment once again. This year or so that I've had to dedicate to the spanking scene, videos, and pro-sessions has been fantastic and I've loved every minute of it. But the time has come to head back to vanilla life a bit. The economy is definitely affecting many people, who in turn don't have as much (if any) discretionary income, which in turn affects me. Hunting for a job is a full-time job in and of itself, and that is where my time and energy have needed to be directed to as of late, and rightfully so.

I'm working on redesigning a fetish website for a client, that should be live soon. Once it's launched I will let ya'll know so you can check it out as it will have some great items for sell including spanking & BDSM, so stay tuned for that.

I'm in the pre-production phase of a full length custom spanking video that will feature myself as the bottom and Katherine St. James as the Top. I'm looking forward to shooting this one and making it available for you in the future. Filming is tentatively scheduled for October, more to come later.

Kansas has been very good when it comes to weather. All you folks on the East coast have been in my thoughts with the earthquake and now hurricane that you're undergoing. I'm hoping that you and your loved ones make it through safely.

I'm a web designing fool!

2011-04-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

Sooooo, designing the KC Spanks Club website a couple weeks ago put me in the mood to redesign my own website. I suppose I like being creative and for me web design is kinda fun. I was getting bored with my website and I also wanted to make it look more professional & "clean", so here is what I came up with. I'd love to hear what you think!

http://AliciaPanettiere.com

New website for the KC Spanks Club!

2011-03-17T09:22:00.003-05:00

I just finished designing the brand new website for the KC Spanks Club! This group has been around for somewhere between 1 or 2 years now, and caters to spankos in the Missouri & Kansas area (though people from other areas are welcome too). Rich Spankman is the owner of the group and I've been working with him to find out what his vision was for the website.

Rich wanted a site that was pretty basic and informational, so that's what I created. Check out my actual hand on the "Home" menu button. Up until now, the club has had a Yahoo! group, which will continue to be used to share information, make announcements, and for general banter with club members. But Rich and I both are excited to present the website as the group's main source of club & event info, as well as an avenue to get the word out even more about this great club!

www.kcspanksclub.com

Off to NYC on Thursday

2011-03-06T18:19:00.000-06:00

It has been a pretty productive weekend for me. I've worked quite a bit on the KC Spanks Club website that I'm designing and I shot a short video clip for a client of mine. Trying to get as much stuff done before I head out to NYC on Thursday, which I'm excited about. I'll be in New York for business & pleasure from March 10th - 21st...I'll see some session clients, possibly do some video work, and spend some good quality time with Mr. Camden. The Scony party is on Saturday the 12th and then TES Spanking Group @ Paddles on the 19th, both of which I am planning to attend. I have stayed trapped in Kansas for way too long and it's time to get out for awhile. :)

I still have some availability for private spanking sessions during this trip, and if interested please fill out an application form.

Ageplay

2011-02-13T13:08:00.001-06:00

Me and Rapunzel in our matching pjs

When I began involvement in the spanking community over two years ago, I started to realize that when I got spanked I didn't really feel like my adult self but seemed to regress in age. Usually I tried to hold this inside and not let my spanker know that I was feeling younger because it was a bit embarrassing to me. Over time though, the Tops that spanked me realized that I seemed to go younger than my current age during a scene, so even though I tried to hide it, it became evident.

I suppose fear of rejection was my reason for attempting to hide my regression. Heck, I already felt weird that I liked to be spanked, but this feeling younger stuff was completely abnormal in my mind or so I thought at the time.

However, one day I was looking through one of my friends Fetlife 'friends list' and found the profile page of Jenni Mack (JenniDoll on Fetlife). I quickly became intrigued with her lifestyle being a live-in submissive to Miss Chris (Capercae), and having what she referred to as a 'little' where she'd play with toys and experience time feeling and acting like a little girl around the age of 8-10. I learned the most about Jenni from reading her blog.

I eventually reached out to Jenni by PM'ing her, introduced myself and asked some questions of her. She responded and was more than happy to answer my questions, and since that day we've become friends and met in person for the first time at the 2009 Shadow Lane party. Jenni has really played a huge part in my discovery of the ageplay fetish- I'm glad that she had the courage to write about it in her blog.

Now as I read and explore online forums and discussion groups I see there are many different preferences and ways of experiencing ageplay, just like there are many forms and types of spanking. There seems to be two clear different sides of it, sexual and non-sexual, and I like the way the Guardian Island website distinguishes between the two: one section of the website being the GI Snuggery for those who need a totally non-sexual atmosphere, and the GI Kittery which is devoted to sexual adult ageplay.

For me, ageplay is totally non-sexual. It is a chance for me to re-experience childhood and get things from my play partner that I missed out on when I was growing up, such as discipline, parental affection, affirmation, and nurturing. It is a healing experience for me and also at times an escape from the adult world. Sometimes when I get sad or upset about the cares of my adult life, I will allow myself some time to play with my little girl toys and it works as sort of a de-stressor.

When I'm functioning in my little girl headspace, I seem to act around 8-ish I guess, though it is difficult to assign a definite age to it. I like to color, play with legos, My Little Ponies, dolls, and watch kids' movies. My very very favorite movie is Disney's "Tangled"- I saw it in the movie theaters twice already and can't wait to get it when it comes out on DVD March 29th. I like to be held, hugged, have my hair brushed, and to snuggle. I also like to tease, but that almost always gets me in trouble and I get spanked. :)

I like to dress the part as much as I can. I typically will put my hair in pig tails or two braids, and I currently have some pjs that work well such as the ones pictured above and I also have some footed pjs with a drop seat. It is been difficult for me to find daytime clothes and dresses suitable for this because they either aren't big enough for me or aren't "little girl looking" enough. I've noticed that alot of childrens' clothes these days are made to emulate adult clothes...whatever happened to the frilly, cutesy girls clothes of years ago. I found a website that sells adult sissy & ageplay clothes that are custom made to fit your particular size and they are reasonably priced, so I ordered two dresses and can't wait to get them. For anyone interested, the website is: http://cosyndry.com/

The relationship dynamics that I like best with ageplay are Father/daughter & Mother/daughter but I also have an interest in Teacher/student. I do like to do spanking scenes that are ageplay, but even more I like to experience it 24/7 where spanking is just one aspect of it. I like to be able to do ageplay even outside of a short spanking scene and have been lucky to find a couple play partners who also enjoy the non-sexual ageplay as much as I do.

Ageplay combines really well with spanking and these two fetishes of mine complement each other very well. Making this self discovery also is making it easier for me to understand why I can enjoy both Topping and bottoming in the spanking scene. I can now identify that when I am functioning as my adult self I will Top. But when I bottom I am only functioning in the age regression or ageplay headspace. I suppose this is why I am not able to bottom to a whole lot of different people in my personal life because I like to make sure that they are comfortable with me regressing in age. My potential play partners have been limited because there seems to be a smaller sect of spankos that enjoy and are comfortable with ageplay. It takes a special level of trust.

I've been hiding

2011-02-08T16:31:00.001-06:00

I feel like I'm sorta following in the steps of Sophie Gray with this posting. I've been taking a break from blogging and shooting for awhile and like Sophie, am now trying to get back into the swing of things. After coming home from my trip to NYC & Los Angeles the first half of January, I began a job search and subsequently acquired outside employment. I've been back to the grind now for a little over 3 weeks and it's been quite an adjustment period, but I seem to be settling into my new schedule now.

Over the past several months I've been discovering that I have another major kink in addition to spanking, and that is Ageplay. I suppose I've been somewhat debating with myself whether to bring ageplay topics into my blog or not, but I think I will because I'm learning that it is such a big part of who I am. So you will be seeing some ageplay themed topics and experiences in my blogging future. There are so many different aspects to this kink and people experience it in so many different ways, so in the near future I will do an entry on what it means to me, what age I seem to settle into, and other tidbits.

To the right is a pic of me in my new St. Margaret's Academy school jumper that I bought. I've decided for the April Scony Spanking Weekend in the Mountains, that I'll primarily be bottoming, which is a change from what I've been doing for over a year now. The reason being is that I've been so focused on the professional side of the spanking kink (Topping & videos), that my bottom side is feeling quite neglected. So since I feel so "at home" during the Mountain Weekend, it is the perfect time to let the little girl bottom in me out for some nurturing and *cough*discipline*cough*.

New camcorder + dog lover = Dog video

2010-12-27T01:20:00.002-06:00

I must have been on the nice list this year because for Christmas I got a new camcorder and a tripod, which will come in awful handy in producing my videos. I'm so excited that I'll have 2 cameras now so I won't have to do a bunch of stopping and starting to get different shots anymore. Of course I had to try it out, so since I have 4 dogs who are my "babies", they were the subjects of my first video with my new camera. They definitely hammed it up too. Here they are:

Casey - Shetland Sheepdog

Tucker & Tanner - Papillons

Bailey - Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

I'm looking forward to shooting the first spanking video with it this year with Rich Spankman towards the end of January. It should be a good one!

Also I wanted to mention that I had the opportunity to be included in Richard Windsor's Christmas Show this year. He put together a great show and you can listen to it by going here. You can hear a very brief clip of me singing right before the 2nd song. :)

Almost the end of another year

2010-12-20T14:28:00.001-06:00

So Christmas is creeping up on me and I have no shopping done yet. I'm feeling sick and seem to be coming down with some kind of cold: sore throat, headache, fever stuff. Today I had lunch with a friend and now I'm back home just laying around hoping that this cold will just go away before it gets worse.

Here is a pic of me and one of my dogs, Bailey. This is what I woke up to a couple days ago, him wrapped around my head snoring - and man does he snore! He makes it difficult to get out of bed because he's so cute all cuddled up against me. He is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I know you enjoy seeing my lovely morning self. We all look amazing when we get up don't we? Haha. I am so not a morning person!

Me & Bailey

I have Christmas get togethers with family and the December 31st will find me flying to NYC to spend time with some spanko friends. I won't make it to Times Square on New Years Eve though because the New Yorkers don't want to fight the crowds, so I'll just be at a small party. On January 8th I'll fly from NYC to L.A. to do some filming with Clare Fonda, and then back home on the 11th.

I'll be accepting session appointments during my stay in NYC & L.A. so if you'd be interested in having a session with me please fill out the online application form.

POLL - Do you enjoy Alicia best as Top or bottom in videos?

2010-12-09T13:32:00.004-06:00

As you all know, I started out as a bottom, began switching, and then I took my bottoming side into just my personal life and now Top at parties, events, and professionally. But with the videos I still do both, and actually just based upon the opportunities that I've had in this realm, I seem to bottom in the videos a whole lot more than I Top. I'd like to do more Topping videos, and I will, but it does seem that so far anyways I've gotten alot more chances to bottom.

I'd be interested in hearing what you all think. Which is your favorite? Watching me Top or bottom in the videos? If you care to, please cast your vote to the left of this posting. If you haven't yet seen me Top and/or bottom in videos you can watch short preview clips of all my videos by going to SpankingTube.

Mister Spankman's Neighborhood

2010-12-04T15:15:00.002-06:00

The newest clips in my video store are a new series that I have titled, "Mister Spankman's Neighborhood", which features me getting spanked by video newcomer Rich Spankman. I met Rich through the KC Spanks Club which he runs out of Kansas City, Missouri.

The premise of this series is that Rich and I are neighbors, and my younger sister has been placed in my care and he has a daughter that is friends with her. The problem is that my sister constantly gets his daughter in trouble and is a bad influence and Rich thinks it's about time that I started taking responsibility for her discipline instead of letting her run amuck.

Part 1 - Rich stops by Alicia's house to have a discussion with her about her sister's behavior and Alicia's lack of responsibility for it. Alicia is asked to consent to a spanking for her irresponsibility and she agrees to it. She is then made to fetch her dining room chair and bring it into the living room for her spanking. Rich takes her over his knee and gives her a couple swats over her jeans.

Part 2 - The hand spanking continues in this clip with more over Alicia's jeans and then over her panties. Then it is time for Rich to "get to the bottom" of this, so he peels Alicia underwear down and the spanking intensity increases.

Part 3 - The spanking continues and the camera angle switches to an above shot looking down, and then a close up shot of Alicia's bottom. More hand spanking in this one, and then Rich introduces the totally wicked hairbrush.

Part 4 - The spanking is 'almost' over, but first Alicia must kneel down on the fireplace to receive the last of it with a wooden spatula.

Please won't you be my neighbor?

Ummm, I'm not sure I want to be your neighbor Mister Spankman. I want outta this neighborhood, anybody want to trade houses with me? LOL!

I'm an official plane crash survivor

2010-11-29T17:10:00.003-06:00

On Thanksgiving morning, I had something really big to be thankful for...my life. Before I continue, I need to say that absolutely everybody that was on the plane, including myself, walked away from the crash unharmed!

We were headed to visit relatives for the day on Thanksgiving in my uncle's twin engine, 6 seater plane. The airport that we had to land at was kind of a rinky-dink little landing strip and nobody was on the ground that morning to correspond with on the radio As we were beginning to descend, the front wind shield completely iced over in just a matter of seconds. He had to land the plane by looking out the side window with my Aunt's help watching the other side. My Aunt hollered out that he wasn't lined up with the runway from her viewpoint and he corrected. By the time we touched down we were in the middle of the runway with not enough time to stop, and so the plane went onto the uneven grass for about 200 feet before finally coming to a stop in a small ditch. The undercarriage of the plane was destroyed, but everybody inside was completely fine.

We were very, very, very lucky that it ended as it did. Many things could have gone wrong and it may not have worked out with such a very happy ending. I'm a little shook up over it still, especially this past Friday I was of no use whatsoever and did absolutely nothing all day long except for going to the casino for a little slot playing to help ease my mind. I'm doing fine now and am kind of glad that I'll be getting on a plane in less than 2 weeks so I don't have much time to simmer with any fears of flying. This will be a commercial aircraft, and I think my days of flying small planes are definitely done and over with.

I took the pic below with my iPhone right after I exited the plane. It doesn't really show the damage to the undercarriage from the angle, but it was as close as I ever wanted to get to that plane again!

*Note to the plane/flying aficionados: I photoshopped the FAA
registration number off the side of the plane in the interest of privacy. :)

And now for more positive and upbeat news:

Saturday I did a video shoot with a newcomer. Rich Spankman is definitely not new to the spanking community but he is to the video world! He is local to Kansas City and in fact runs the KC Spanks Club. He Topped me in the video and plays the role of my neighbor. He brought alot of good verbal stuff to the video and he has such a cute little accent. I came so close to postponing this shoot because of how I was feeling after the plane crash, but I'm glad I went through with it because it was alot of fun. I'll be posting more on this new video in the days to come. I can't wait to finish editing it!

A dialog/scolding scene from the video

Rich Spankman, after shooting a spanking scene.
I think he was having a good time, don't you?

On that note, LOL, I am currently looking for more local people who are interested in being in my spanking films as either a Top or bottom, male or female, 18+, all shapes and sizes. If you live in or near Northeast Kansas and are interested in being considered for a video please contact me, I'd love to hear from you!

SCONY Spanking Weekend in the Mountains - Day 3

2010-11-14T22:03:00.001-06:00

Saturday - Day 3

This day is always the most activity packed day of the Weekend. St. Margaret's Academy takes place right after breakfast. The Academy is a school-type atmosphere where short fun and informative classes are taught and the bottoms or "students" are watched closely by the Tops/staff. If a student misbehaves, s/he is given a discipline referral which allows the student to pick from a list of discipline to be received, such as: corner time, extra assignments, and of course spanking. I functioned as a Top during the school and handed out a couple referrals, one to a student who attempted to give me a pen that shocked. I did not fall for it because I had pulled that same trick on a teacher over a year ago! He chose the wrong person to fool with that one. I took him back and gave him a good paddling.

The classes change up each Weekend, and one of the classes this time was Debate. The topic was, 'Should spanking be outsourced?', and it was Tops against bottoms. Now even though I consider myself to be a lifestyle bottom, I was considered a Top for the debate since I was functioning as a teacher in the Academy. All the Tops gathered to discuss our strategy and appoint 5 people to speak on our behalf. From the get go, I knew I didn't want to be one of the speakers because I am absolutely horrible at debating- the worst. But somehow I ended up as a chosen one and up in front of everybody. As my turn came I began to realize that some of the other speakers had used what I was going to say and began to get worried. Then it was my turn and I had pretty much absolutely nothing. I stuttered over my words and it was a disaster! So needless to say, this caused a tie, with the concurrence that I needed to be spanked for "throwing the Tops under the bus". Now I wish I could say that I did that on purpose because it would make me look much better than to just admit that I really did just crash and burn. Even though I can act & perform in front of people I so cannot speak in front of them. After all was said and done, 2 people spanked me for this "offense", and I have to admit that for the rest of my time I was all Topped out and really only felt like bottoming from there on out. But hey, there's no shame in that!

There was a couple hours free time that afternoon but during part of that Mr. Camden marched me into the woods for my exercise punishment for missing way too many sessions. He walked me around the pond and I had to lay over his lap on a bench for a short spanking. Then walked some more and I had to lower my pants and lean against a tree for the rest of my punishment, which was a hand spanking followed by a strapping with his belt.

After dinner was the final evening party of the weekend and a couple of us ladies put on our corsets that we'd bought from Lady Sabrina. I even did some more shopping and bought a small flogger with faux fur and leather, which is very good for sensual play.

Speaking of the little flogger that I purchased... It got me in a bit of trouble! I was instructed by another Top to go deal with a particular bottom who had been complaining. I decided to be silly with it, and told the bottom to bend over while I used the flogger, pictured above, to tan his backside...not! I was doing this over his pants while the Top watched, came over to me, pulled a chair over and told me to spank him right or else I was going to get it. I "spanked" him a little harder, but seeing as how this implement is really not meant to inflict pain of any sort, it wasn't hurting him and also did not satisfy the Top who was getting ready to spank me. So he pulls me right over his lap, yanks my skirt up, and gives me a very hard hand spanking for disobeying him. All this was done in front of everybody, and when it was over I was told to go spank the bottom the right way. Which I did of course!

Where've I been?

2010-11-11T15:51:00.001-06:00

I know, I know... It's been 3 weeks since my last blog post, so what've I been up too? Well, let me start by saying that my disciplinarian did in fact punish me for not keeping up on my blog entries. I kinda stopped in the middle of the SCONY spanking mountain reports and I'll continue that soon.

I've been up to kick-starting my vanilla acting career. With all the spanking related traveling that I've been doing over the spring, summer, and fall, I hadn't had much time to give attention to what I've always dreamed of doing- and that is becoming a film and commercial actress. I've started taking film acting classes which has been fun, insightful, and opened up networking opportunities for me. Through the class I found out about an audition this Friday for ballroom dance couples to be in a ballroom scene in a feature film. I'm excited to do this and really hope I get cast as a dancer, but if not I have decided to participate as an 'extra' so that I can at least get the experience of being on a movie set. I've started submitting my headshot and resume to talent agents in the hopes of being represented and having more audition opportunities.

In just a couple weeks, I'll be filming a spanking video with a local spanko. I'll be getting spanked in this one and I'm super glad to have found a few people in Kansas who are willing to appear in my videos. BTW, if you are located in the Kansas area and are interested in being in a spanking video, whether Top or bottom, please contact me directly, I'd love to hear from you.

I will be in Phoenix Arizona in a week to attend Miss Chris' Sun Valley Spankos party. While I'm there I'll be accepting private sessions and also have the amazing opportunity to conduct double and/or triple sessions with Miss Chris & Jenni Mack! There also might be opportunities for some video shoots while I'm out there. I'm really looking forward to this trip! If you are interested in a private session with either me alone or with Miss Chris and/or Jenni, please fill out a session application.

SCONY Spanking Weekend in the Mountains - Day 2

2010-10-21T15:55:00.002-05:00

Friday - Day 2

I slept in this day because I was up till pretty early in the morning. More people had already filtered in by the time I got up and around. 3:00 was the official kick-off to the weekend down in the lounge area where an art class took place along with an ice breaker game. This marked the start of St. Margaret's Academy where the bottoms that choose, can be the "students" and the Tops are "staff", and if the students misbehave the staff has the right to give them a discipline referral. This lasted a couple hours and then it was dinner time. We all eat together in the on-site restaurant that served us buffet style food, and during dessert the males and females were split up and Ms. Margaret gave a talk to each group separately about the ins and outs of the spanking fetish, protocol, and pointers on how best to have a good time. After this everyone dispersed to freshen up and head back down to the lounge for the evening party.

When I got down to the lounge my eye caught a bunch of corsets hanging on a rack for sale by Lady Sabrina of My Lady's Toys. She had a vendor table set up of all kinds of goodies: spanking implements, panties, corsets, and toys. I've been admiring the look of corsets for some time now but had never even tried one on. I found a black one with a flowery pattern and blueish strips that I liked and Lady Sabrina allowed me to try it on. I gotta say that corsets are not the most comfortable of things but they sure look pretty! I ended up purchasing it and can't wait to wear it when I go to Arizona in November.

During the party I was able to spank several bottoms and even got spanked myself, LOL. Mr. Camden ratted me out to another male Top that I frequently play with, and I got led back to one of the privacy cubicles and spanked, not once, but twice because I wouldn't tell Mr. Camden something I was supposed to say after the first spanking. Of course they tell me that Tops don't tattle, they just "share information"....whatever. Who believes that line? Anybody? Anybody? Going once, going twice....

The party doesn't have an ending time, people just gradually leave as they get tired and head up to their rooms. Once I headed up I was spanked and put to bed by Mr. Camden.

SCONY Spanking Weekend in the Mountains - Day 1

2010-10-18T21:04:00.001-05:00

Thursday - Day 1

The Spanking Weekend didn't officially start until Friday Oct. 8th, but the option is extended to people to come early if they choose, and I always like to come on Thursday. I flew into NYC late morning and my disciplinarian, Mr. Camden, picked me up with his van. There were already two other ladies with him, and there was one more due in to ride with us. While waiting for the last one to arrive, we parked alongside a curb in between terminals and waited while Mr. Camden rearranged our luggage. I don't remember all the details other than I was feeling particularly "bottomy" and I was teasing Mr. Camden and he threatened to spank me right there at the airport. But I figured this was just an empty threat and there was no way he'd actually do it, but boy was I wrong! He brought me over his lap, right there with the side door open, my head sticking out of the van and he spanked my bottom good. I was laughing hard and so was he and right in the middle of this fiasco, a man walked by on the sidewalk. Apparently he just kind of looked out of the corner of his eye and kept walking by faster. This was quite a start for the weekend, and we weren't even on the mountain yet!

It was about a two hour drive to get to the resort where the event is held and we did NOT get there without Mr. Camden having to pull the van off to the side of the road to administer spankings. You see, the "problem" was that he was driving 47 miles an hour on a highway with a posted speed of 70mph. His excuse was that with all the people and luggage that we had, the tires were over capacity and therefore he had to drive sloooooooowwww. Never mind that we were passed by squirrels, deer, and amish people driving a Pinto. My good friend was kindly informing him of the vehicle speed every couple of seconds, thanks to my GPS. When Mr. Camden figured out where she was getting the speed from, he told me to turn the GPS off, but I refused. This continued for a little while longer until he'd finally had enough and pulled over on the shoulder. He spanked her first and then it was my turn for disobeying him. He spanked me pretty hard and scolded pretty firmly as well. So much so that the other van inhabitants thought he was really mad at me and felt sorry for me, LOL! They'd just never witnessed me getting a discipline spanking before and it must have been a little different than what they are used to receiving.

Once at the resort, we were greeted by Ms. Margaret, Mr. Ryder, and a bunch of our other friends that were already there. We got all settled in, ate dinner together, and then went down to the lounge where we sang karaoke. A bunch of us female bottoms got together and sang, "We're Not Gonna Take It", by Twisted Sister. It was a hit, the Tops got a kick out of it, but our stance of not taking it anymore didn't last long because several of us got spanked right away, including me. Then right before bed, Mr. Camden dealt with me about one of my several outstanding issues that needed addressed.

Final 3 clips of "Anthea's House Rules" are up!

2010-09-29T00:01:00.002-05:00

I've finally finished editing the final 3 scenes of "Anthea's House Rules" and they are now available on my website, www.AliciaPanettiere.com. In these clips, you'll find a mouthsoaping, a very firm hairbrush spanking, and also a rulering.

Part 4 - This clip opens with Anthea being scolded for cursing during church. She is given a mouth soaping and is spanked while standing up. Then she is marched downstairs for a thorough hairbrush spanking.

Part 5 - Time for Anthea's bedtime spanking for cursing at church. Ms. Panettiere gives her a firm hand spanking over her pajama bottoms, then white panties, and finally bare bottom. At the end Anthea sits on Ms. Panettiere's lap and they hug.

Part 6 - It is past Anthea's curfew and Ms. Panettiere is up late worried. Anthea comes home dressed very unladylike and she is immediately bent over to get swatted with a ruler. Then she is marched downstairs to get a bare bottomed hand spanking.

Back to the States

2010-09-28T11:31:00.000-05:00

Long time no blog! Well, I'm back to the States and beginning to recover from jet lag, but I'm not yet back home. I'm writing this from a friend's house in NY and will be back to Kansas on Wednesday evening. I enjoyed my time in London and it was my very first trip overseas. I arrived there last Tuesday afternoon, look a nap, ate dinner, then went to bed again- totally fun first day, I know. Wednesday I had time to sightsee and I had great weather for it. I hopped on one of those double decker tourist buses which drove around all the attractions and I took a bunch of pics from the bus. Thursday & Friday were video shoots for a private collector (unfortunately these won't be released to the public though) and I got to meet some wonderful people. Friday evening I was really feeling the jet lag because I ate dinner twice! Once during London dinner time and again a little after midnight which would have been dinner time back home. I was hungry both times and couldn't sleep, so hey what can I say, I just went with it, LOL. Saturday was the main day that I had set aside to see private sessions and again met some great people. Finally on Saturday night I slept really good and didn't wake up till 11am the next morning. I hadn't slept all that great the rest of my stay probably just due to the jet lag I think. So I had just enough time to pack up and get checked out of the hotel and to the airport.

I always seem to notice kind of "off the wall" types of things. What sticks out to me is that everybody over there seemed to smell really good, especially the cologne that nearly all the men wore. Then we have the funny U-turns that many of the drivers made. What made these funny to me was that they would turn around in the middle of the road with traffic coming both ways. Then some of the drivers didn't quite get their car turned all the way around so they were then facing the sidewalk blocking traffic and had to put it in reverse to get completely turned around. This is one thing I greatly regret not taking a picture of because it is hard to explain it without a visual. But in the States, U-turns are normally only allowed at intersections and it would be unheard of to block both directions of traffic while attempting the turn. I just thought it was comical- I know, weird sense of humor. :)

I just cleaned up my travel schedule, removing the trips that have already taken place and boy is it pretty bare now! Nothing planned after October. I think I'll take that opportunity to focus on getting head shoots done for mainstream acting and also getting the web design business off the ground.

9/11

2010-09-11T00:01:00.002-05:00

Today is September 11th, and I've been thinking about and remembering the tragedy that occurred 9 years ago today. At the time it happened I was at work, sitting in my cubicle, when I heard my co-workers gasp and shout out. I stood up and walked to the gathering around a lady's tiny television screen where we silently watched the second plane hit the South tower of the World Trade Center. Nothing but silence, astonishment, and disbelief. I cried at the time it happened and I'm crying right now while writing this entry. Even though I was over 1,000 miles away from NYC, had never visited there and knew absolutely no one there at the time, I was deeply affected and my world stopped while I watched from my tv and listened to the radio and experienced the rush of a plethora of emotions along with the rest of America.

Now that it has been 9 years since these events, I still think about it, especially this time of year. Because of the spanking community I now know several New Yorkers and one of these happens to be a very close friend of mine who was directly involved in the recovery efforts. This person has a difficult time every year around the anniversary, and I wish that I could do something, anything, to take away the pain and sadness that is still felt by this individual. There are many, many others who still feel and experience the after effects of this unspeakable event, and my heart goes out to all of these people today. I'm thinking about them and praying for them.

I've never been prouder of my country than I was that day. I was glued to the news from my apartment in Kansas for several weeks following. What I saw was tragedy, but also unity. Politics were gone and in its place was compassion. There were many heros that day and the days following.

I'm never gonna forget.

"Church Discipline" video released on my website!

2010-09-10T15:04:00.003-05:00

I did a trade shoot with Sarah Gregory while we were both at the Crimson Moon party at the end of July, and this is one of the videos we made together.

The idea for "Church Discipline" actually came from my own fantasy stemming from a real-life experience with the Pastor's wife at the church I was attending at the time. I was 19 years old and had this super big mommy craving at the time. I didn't get everything that I believed I should get from my own mom so as far back as middle school I began seeking out teachers and other female authority figures to provide me with affection, affirmation, attention, and discipline.

So in comes this particular Pastor's wife, who recognized that I needed a momma and endeavored to provide me with some of the things that I missed out on and longed for. I would do things to get her attention and usually it was negative attention that I acquired but that was just alright with me. She scolded me on many, many occasions and that alone really gets into the discipline headspace that I have. Usually after I'd been scolded I would come home and write as many details down about it as I remembered and then I'd read it over and over again. She had 6 children of her own, five of which were daughters, and I fell right in between the ages of her two oldest children. She often told me she loved me and that I was special, and gave me lots of hugs. All things I desired from a mother-figure.

On one certain occasion, after a church service, I was upset with her about something and used curse words as I was talking to her right in the church lobby. Right then and there she got "The Look" in her eyes and very sternly told me, "You need to be spanked!" Let me tell you, that certainly stopped me dead in my tracks. I was a little scared that she'd actually do it but at the same time really hoping that she would take me inside her office and put me over her knee. Of course this never happened but I've fantasized about it more times than I can count. After this incident there were several times it would come up in conversation where she would tell me I needed to be spanked or given a couple swats. I also wished that her and the Pastor would invite me to live with them for a time and treat me just as one of their own daughters. I touched on this in Sarah and I's video.

Sarah Gregory and I reenacted my fantasy in a reversed sort of fashion, meaning I played the role of the Pastor's wife and Sarah played "Me". I thoroughly enjoyed filming this with her and felt that much of my fantasy was able to be portrayed. Towards the end of the film Sarah cried real tears and I was able to hold her and comfort her while she cried. Very good and I love it when real emotion and tears are captured on video.

The video starts out with a good scolding because I caught her at the church dance conducting herself very inappropriately and dancing in a provocative manner. I tell her she needs to be spanked and has needed it for a long time, so I lead her over my knee to deliver a very thorough hand spanking over her skirt, then panties, and bare-bottomed. Finally she gets a good spanking with the very same hairbrush that I use to spank my daughters with. She is told that she will be disciplined just like one of my daughters from here on out anytime that she is disrespectful or misbehaves. I also tell her that I'll be taking her clothes shopping to get something more appropriate for her to wear, and if she wants to she can come stay with me for awhile. This seems to touch a tender place in her and she begins to cry - this is what she's craved for a very long time.

Please visit www.AliciaPanettiere.com to purchase the video clips for this film that is 15 minutes in its entirety.

Preparing to head out to Shadow Lane

2010-09-01T00:27:00.001-05:00

Early Thursday morning I will board the plane to fly to Vegas for my 2nd Shadow Lane party. I'm getting pretty excited for it - meeting people, getting to see friends, and having fun. It is hard to believe that last year at this time was when I started to get my feet wet with spanking videos. I met Clare Fonda as I was helping with the setup of the Scony vendor table, and that was when she said that she'd love to shoot with me sometime. I remember feeling so excited for this opportunity, but not sure where all it would take me. I've made quite a bit of strides since then: appearing in several films with Clare, shooting with Chelsea Pfeiffer, Kelly Payne, Ten, Sarah Gregory, Lily Starr, and Mike Billa.

As for shooting at Shadow Lane this year, Richard Windsor will be doing an interview with me and I'll shoot with MikeNV (Fetlife tag). I may also have the opportunity to shoot with others as time and the opportunities present. Looking forward to a great time!

Safewords during a punishment spanking

2010-08-29T00:50:00.000-05:00

We all seem to come to a consensus when it comes to the use of safewords for non-disciplinary spankings. Generally everyone agrees that there should be safewords available for playful, sensual, and roleplay scenes, but when it comes to real-life punishment spankings there is a, for lack of a better word, 'debate' over whether it is acceptable to allow the bottom/spankee the use of safewords.

As most of you know, I have a disciplinarian who punishes me for real-life issues, and then as a professional Top, I frequently see people for real punishment issues. Here is where I stand in this "great debate":

I believe in the availability of safewords at all times, and here is why. When it comes to a true punishment spanking, there has to be trust with both the Top and bottom. The Top must trust the bottom that a safeword will only be used if and only if the bottom is in some sort of danger, be it physical, mental, or emotional. They have to know that the bottom will take the punishment seriously and not just safeword to get out of it if it hurts too much.

The bottom has to trust that the Top will not cause any lasting damage and that the Top has the best view of what is going on with the spankee's bottom. Based upon what has been negotiated in the disciplinary relationship ahead of time, say that bruises are ok but broken skin is a hard limit. The bottom must trust that the Top has the best view of their backside and he/she will stop or adjust if it becomes apparent that the skin is getting ready to break. I don't believe that a hard-limit should ever be crossed, even for a punishment spanking.

Poll - Kate Winslet look-alike?

2010-08-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

How about a fun poll? I've been told here and there by random people that I resemble Kate Winslet. I'm not sure that I really see it myself, so I thought it'd be fun to do a side-by-side comparison and take a vote. What do you think? Place your vote to the left of this posting. :)

August L.A. Trip

2010-08-12T01:20:00.000-05:00

My L.A. trip is winding down and I fly back home tomorrow evening.

Photo courtesy of Clare Fonda

I shot for 3 of Clare Fonda's sites while I was out here: Spanked Sweeties, Girl Spanks Girl, and My Spanking Roommate. Exclusive Education 5 will begin airing the first week in September on Girl Spanks Girl. In this epic film, I was the new teacher who spanked all the girls along with Lana & Clare Fonda, then at the end the girls get their revenge on us!

Photo courtesy of Clare Fonda

I also held a few professional discipline sessions. For those who don't know, I began accepting applications from people interested in me Topping them, and have been conducting professional sessions since January. What I enjoy most about this is I can meet with people who are not able to make it to spanking events for what ever reason, and I like to fulfill their spanking fantasies (as long as it is non-sexual). Click here to read more about my sessions, and apply for a session here.

Also, with the help of The Camera Man, I was able to get my video clips compressed so that they will upload onto clips4sale, so this will soon be another venue that you will have to purchase my clips. I just need to do some boring paperwork type stuff with that site and then I will be able to accept orders.

Cursing & other unladylike language

2010-08-04T18:48:00.001-05:00

Cursing is one of the things that my disciplinarian is working with me about. It wasn't really an issue that I felt needed to be addressed in our relationship, but he decided that it needed to be and added it to my list of rules. I've been getting better and better at this, especially since I resigned from my old job a couple of months back. I found that the somewhat "hostile" work environment was causing me to be really angry and cursing was an outlet that I used to relieve some of the agitation that I was feeling. Now that the agitant is gone, I find that I only curse when stupid stuff happens, such as my stepping on the bottom of my strapless dress and nearly ripping it off myself on the way to the mailbox. My neighbors probably would have enjoyed that one but I didn't care to give them a show.

Last night, I used some words that I didn't really think of as curse words, but my disciplinarian thought otherwise. I used the word "crap" and "pissed off" while talking with him and boy did I catch it for that. He made it clear to me that those were not such things that should be uttered from the mouth of a lady and that I am not to use those words again. As punishment, I had to turn on my webcam for a punishment self-spanking, spend 15 minutes in the corner, and was assigned an essay to write about how unladylike cursing is and to make a list of words to use instead.

I know that soap will be in my future if I curse again, and I absolutely HATE soap. So much so that it is pretty near to being a hard limit for me, but not quite. This evening I have to get busy on my essay because it is due to be turned in before I go to bed.

New Video - "Anthea's House Rules"

2010-07-27T19:50:00.003-05:00

I'm excited to be able to bring to you my very first full-length video production! It was filmed on Saturday, July 17th, right here in Kansas. Ten flew out from Jersey late Friday night and we started filming at 10am the next morning and wrapped up around 5pm. I wrote the script but we just took the general idea and lines and improvised instead of memorizing it line for line.

Ms. Panettiere.................Alicia Panettiere

Anthea............................Ten

The film opens with Anthea and Ms. Panettiere having a talk about the adjustment to the recent marriage of Ms. Panettiere to Anthea's father. There hasn't been another female in the house since Anthea's mother passed away several years ago and she has gotten away with slacking on household chores and being disrespectful to Ms. Panettiere for far too long. Therefore, rules are laid out, chores are assigned, and discipline is discussed. As you can guess, spanking will be used as the punishment if Anthea misbehaves.

The day after the talk, finds Anthea addressing Ms. Panettiere by her first name which promptly lands her downstairs getting a bare bottom spanking for her disrespect.

She is later given a reminder spanking and sent to bed early so she can think about what she has done. Ms. Panettiere lovingly tucks Anthea into bed and gives her a goodnight kiss.

Sunday morning, Ms. Panettiere finds out from the Sunday school teacher that Anthea cursed at a fellow classmate during church. The scene opens with Anthea already attired in her disciplinary outfit and receiving a mouth soaping along with several good swats from Ms. Panettiere's hand.

A hairbrush spanking follows this, and Anthea really feels the heat from the wood, as her body language obviously shows. She almost jumps off Ms. Panettiere's lap!

Later that evening Anthea receives her bedtime spanking and some cuddle time from her step-mother, Ms. Panettiere.

Later that week, Anthea is out way past curfew and Ms. Panettiere is up late worried about her step-daughter. When Anthea finally arrives home, she is surprised to find a very distraught Ms. Panettiere waiting for her. Not only is she late, but she's also dressed very inappropriately for a lady. Anthea is bent over and given several smacks with the ruler, and then taken downstairs for a very thorough hand spanking.

This is a 6 part series, with clips one and two already available on my video store. Watch for the rest of the clips and coming soon is the full-length DVD! You may watch a 4 minute preview clip on the home page of my website. The entire film will have a running time of well over an hour.

I hope you enjoy!

I launched my website! - belated

2010-07-20T08:26:00.002-05:00

www.AliciaPanettiere.com

I suppose I never officially announced the launch of my website. LOL!

The reason I waited was because I wasn't quite happy with the home page design. You see, I can be quite the perfectionist and it probably would have taken me a couple more years to get it out there, if not for a little nudging from my disciplinarian. He said that I really needed to go ahead and get it up so people had a way to contact me if they wanted to, and that I could tweak it whenever I wanted. So in the interest of not getting spanked for taking too long, I went ahead and put it out there a couple of weeks ago.

But today I completed the redesign of my home page. So now that I am "happier" with the way it looks, I am officially launching it!

On my site you can find my travel schedule, some articles I have written, a contact page, info about the discipline sessions I provide, an application for a discipline session with me, links page, and a video store. Currently I only have clips in the store but eventually I will have the full-length DVDs available as soon as I figure out why I'm unable to burn them to disc. I seem to be having some sort of computer issue right now.

I just wanted to say a quick thanks to those who have already been to my website, contacted me, bought clips and/or applied for a session. I appreciate it!

P.S. If anyone needs a website designed and would be interested in me doing it for you, please contact me and I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

The Cameraman has a blog!

2010-07-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

Clare Fonda's cameraman has joined the blogging world! His blog is entitled, "Spanking View" and can be found at http://spankingview.com. He's been blogging since the beginning of this month and has quite a few entries out there already. Spanking View offers a unique insight into the spanking shoots of Clare Fonda Productions because this guy is right in on the action with camera in hand. Occasionally he can be seen in front of the camera as well and he spanks pretty darn hard. The cameraman recently did a shoot with me entitled "Radical Treatment Package".

My birthday in NYC

2010-07-14T17:11:00.001-05:00

Just getting settled in back in Kansas after my trip to New York City. It was fun but man am I wore out!

My birthday was on Wednesday, July 7th, which is when my plane landed in NYC. A couple scene friends of mine picked me up at the airport and drove me out to Long Island where I stayed. One of them owns a boat and took us out in it for the afternoon. It has been years since I've been boating and I really missed it. My brother and I used to spend summers with our grandparents camping at a lake in Kansas. They had a 5th wheel camper and a fishing boat, so we'd spend alot of time on the water. Then that evening we ate dinner at a little seafood restaurant.

Thursday was probably my busiest day with going out to Staten Island to shoot a video with Kelly Payne. This was my first time meeting Ms. Payne and she is a very lovely lady and I look forward to being able to shoot with her again. The scenario of the video was Guardian/charge and I was in trouble for staying out too late and missing classes. She spanks really, really hard and it actually brought me to tears for the first time on camera. This should make for a pretty good video and I look forward to seeing it sometime in September on her website.

After this, it was back to Long Island to relax a bit and cleanup the raccoon eyes from crying. Then in the evening I was off to the city to meet with a very lovely gentleman for a session and dinner. We ate at the Inakaya restaurant and it was very good, I had the 5-plate robata tasting menu.

Friday late morning I tagged along to pick up a very good friend of mine from the airport and drop her off where she was staying. By the time we ate lunch and visited a little bit it was time to head out to Jersey to meet Tasha Lee & Yoni of Bum Rap Productions and Crimson Moon. I hadn't met them yet and it was a good evening of talking and getting to know them and meeting their two sweet doggies.

On Saturday it was back into the city to meet up with a friend to talk business and "other" business. Unfortunately the "other" (spanking) business precluded the regular business because there was so much I needed to address with her! LOL

Saturday night brought me to the Scony party in Greenwich Village. There was a very good turnout and I regret to saw that I was not able to spank everyone who needed to be because of the time contraints. Four hours sure seems like a long time but it really isn't when there are so many naughty individuals that need to be taken care of. It was a joy seeing friends and meeting new people. Ms. Margaret organized a spanking game where several of the ladies (Tops, switches, and bottoms) sat lined up and male volunteers climbed across our laps while we were swatting them. Our goal was to keep them from getting all the way across, but we weren't successful in stopping any of them, though one gentleman lost his pants (not our fault), and another came real close to not making it, stating, "I cannot move, I cannot move!". This was a fun game and everyone in the room enjoyed watching and laughing.

Sunday was very relaxing and I spent the whole afternoon and evening with a bunch of friends and we had a barbecue. This was a very welcome break from all the running around and it was very nice to spend time with a bunch of good friends from the spanking scene.

That evening I rode the train into the city and checked into a hotel right on Times Square so that I'd be ready for a session that I had scheduled for early Monday morning. Monday came and went with me boarding the plane that evening to go back home. It is always hard to leave NYC because I have so many scene friends there and always enjoy being with them. But I get out that way so often that I know that I'll be seeing them again before too long.

Doing this and doing that...

2010-07-05T15:05:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a happy and safe 4th of July. I spent the day with my dad and aunt & uncle, having a barbecue and staying out of the way of idiots who have no business with the lighting up of explosives. lol

I'll begin packing later this evening for my trip out East on Wednesday. I'm going to be staying with a friend and doing a video shoot with Kelly Payne. On Saturday evening I'll be attending the Scony party in NYC. If you are able to make it out to the party and are interested in me spanking you, please introduce yourself early in the evening and let me know of your interest so I can make sure to spend some time with you. I'm looking forward to meeting some new people and seeing old friends.

Cali-For-Ni-A

2010-07-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

Whew! Alot of good things are going on for me lately. Things that I've had in the works for awhile and are finally starting to come to fruition: spanking video production, new website, and career change. Life has been a whirlwind and I'm just trying to keep up, LOL.

June 18 - 24th marked my third trip out to L.A. I planned the trip for seven days because I had high hopes of having multiple mainstream acting audition opportunities, but that was not the case. Instead, I scoped out the area towns to get an idea on living expenses and such (in case I decide to move there).

Clare Fonda's cameraman took me on a driving tour of the various towns along the shoreline. While we were in the Venice area he drove me a little out of the way to The Dominion because I had been curious about where it was located and what it was like. Snow Mercy (who I've been in a couple videos with) works there as a Mistress. I was thrilled to be able to meet Lady Hillary when we stopped in! She happened to be there that afternoon and graciously took us on a tour of her place. Lady Hillary is the owner & Headmistress of The Dominion, and she is a very lovely and caring lady. It was apparent that she runs a professional, safe place for people to come and get their fantasies met. If you are ever in the L.A. area, I'd encourage you to check them out. They not only cater to the BDSM community but also recognize the spanking community and frequently have guests/clients in who desire spanking only sessions. They have many themed rooms, including the Bettie Page and Detention rooms, which would work nicely for a spanking session.

I did a little bit of hotel hopping during my stay. I used Priceline "name your own price" and got some good deals on very nice hotels. One of my favorites was Hotel Palomar, located in Westwood. It was a cute, stylish hotel.

I did a couple of shoots, one with the cameraman which is entitled "Radical Treatment Package". The preview clip for this is available for view on SpankingTube, and the entire video will soon be made available for purchase on my website.

The second video I did is called "Tardy Backup Singer" where I play the role of the backup singer who has been assigned a bedtime by her tour manager because she keeps showing up late to her calls. However I am up past bedtime goofing off and he catches me. A preview clip will be made available in the near future.

I got to hang out with Clare a little bit and we toured the studio where EE5 will be shot in August. I look forward to being in that film and getting to shoot in an actual studio - this will be cool!

On Tuesday, I spent some time with Chelsea Pfeiffer and her husband Larry. Chelsea took me on a driving tour of Burbank and I have to admit that this town is becoming my favorite as far as a place that I could see myself living. The town is cute and kind of has a small town feel to it. They shot me in a video that is currently being aired on Good Spanking. I enjoyed my time with them and also Chelsea's very good cooking!

Also got to go to Parris Kennedy's birthday party which was alot of fun. They brought in an Elvis impersonator, and I was impressed with the dancing talents of Stacy Burke. She got up and danced with Elvis and she was awesome! It looked like it had been rehearsed, but it was totally impromptu.

Emotion adjustment

2010-07-02T02:16:00.000-05:00

It is 1:30am in Kansas and I can't sleep. Though it's not terribly unusual for me to be up at this time, however I am usually busy doing something because I'm a night person. Right now though, I can't get focused on any particular thing to do.

I've been busy the last several days getting my new website up, editing video clips, posting them, etc. Coming down off that flurry of activity has proved to be somewhat....I don't know....there are no words right now. It is not that I don't have anything I need to do because I have plenty: memorize a script, finish writing another script, write better content for my site, to name a few. Seems like I'm experiencing lack of concentration followed by some other negative emotions that I can't quite put my finger on.

Normally my spanking involvement as a bottom only includes disciplinary spanking, but at times like this I have a curiosity of being spanked as a form of emotional release. I remember reading an article some time ago on Jenni Mack's blog regarding this very thing and I have remained intrigued about the idea of it. I've yet to experience it for myself as each time I crave this type of spanking it is usually under the circumstances that I am in right now...late at night (or should I say early in the morning) and with no one around.

I entitled this entry "Emotion adjustment" because this spanking that I crave reminds me in a way, of an attitude adjustment. The difference would be that the proverbial attitude adjustment is a disciplinary spanking while I see an emotion adjustment might be more along the lines of just a straight spanking given by a caring person to help you reach the point of emotional release.

Does anyone have experiences with this type of spanking (giving or receiving) that they would like to share? This is unchartered territory for me. You can contact me privately if you'd rather not post publicly. :)

Video Clips available for purchase on my website!

2010-06-29T11:38:00.000-05:00

I have uploaded the entire clip series of Exercise Punishment onto my video store at www.aliciapanettiere.com. The clips are priced between $2.99 - $5.99, depending on the clip running time.

In this series, I have missed my exercise sessions multiple times and my long-distance disciplinarian has decided it is time that I be spanked. However, since he does not live close by, he has instructed me to self-spank. Self-spanking is one difficult punishment to carry out because it involves inflicting pain on yourself and who wants to do that?! But he makes sure that I am spanking myself hard and long enough so that I am well punished. Throughout the clips, I speak of how the disciplinary relationship works for me, why I'm being spanked, and then talk about the punishment afterwards. The spanking takes place over my shorts, bare thonged bottom, and bare bottom, using my leather paddle and wooden hairbrush. After the spanking I am sent to kneel on the fireplace in time-out (while rubbing my sore bottom).

Preview clips posted on SpankingTube!

2010-06-27T23:45:00.000-05:00

As promised, two preview video clips have been posted to SpankingTube today! I hope that you enjoy watching them.

Clip number one is entitled "Alicia Panettiere's Exercise Punishment". In this video, I completed a self-spanking session that was assigned to me by my long distance disciplinarian for continually missing my exercise sessions. The full-length DVD with a running time of 25 minutes will soon be made available for purchase on my website.

The second clip is entitled "Radical Treatment Package", and in this I play the role of a girl who has an addiction to pain pills and has sought out the help of a well recommended therapist. Upon attending her first session she is subjected to this radical treatment. The full length DVD has a running time of over 19 minutes and will also be made available for purchase shortly.

Producing Spanking Videos

2010-06-27T01:17:00.000-05:00

I have recently begun producing my own spanking videos, as you probably know because I've made mention of a clips4sale store. Well, the clips store is not up and running yet but I am going to be making my videos available on DVD via a store on my soon to be launched website. I will also be posting short preview clips on Spanking Tube, so stay tuned!

Reflections - Florida Moonshine's "Tropical Beach Party"

2010-06-25T19:14:00.000-05:00

Now that almost a month has passed since the FMS Beach Party, I guess I better finish up with the blog post that I had started, huh?

In all seriousness though, with the sad news of Irish Mike's passing, my thoughts are now on the time that I spent down in Florida at the beginning of this month. I want to start by saying that I had the great pleasure to meet Mike while I was there and was able to spank him on multiple occasions. He was a joy to be around and a true gentleman as everyone else's words seem to echo. I know that I will greatly miss being able to see him again, and I send my condolences to all his family & friends.

FMS - Thursday

The airline overbooked my flight so I was booted and had to wait in the airport for 6 hours until I could get on a different flight. Once I finally arrived in Tampa, my roomie, Sassy, picked me up from the airport and we drove out to the hotel and checked in. Then her and I wandered around the hotel for a bit and then grabbed dinner at the patio restaurant. We then made it upstairs to the suite where they were having an informal get-together, and it didn't take long before I was spanking a few people. I saw a couple familiar faces but met a whole lot of new people. Even though I was already tired I was glad that I made myself go because it proved to be a very good start to the weekend.

FMS - Friday

I slept in until noon. Went to the vendor fair that evening and browsed the booths that were set up. Got to meet John of Leather Thorn Paddles, whom I'd purchased a couple implements from online. There were many different booths set up, from implements, books, undies, and jewelry. We then played an ice breaker game where we had to ask people if they could answer questions on our list and then we paid up by giving or receiving 5 swats, and I was on the "giving" end. After this, John presented me with a new leather paddle (pictured here)! He gave me a couple swats with it and this sucker freakin' hurts! I met with a gentleman who'd requested a private discipline session with me, and it was amazing how when I was scolding him I felt like I could just go right into my own bottom headspace. I suppose maybe that meant that I was doing a good job? That's definitely the first that has happened to me while I have Topped. There were suite parties on into the night where I was able to Top several individuals and also was taken in hand by Craig Aych for a little bottom session which was very much enjoyed.

FMS - Saturday

I had to get up bright and early so that I could attend the Governess Gala at 10:30am...Yes, this is early for me, haha! There were quite a few female Tops who showed out to participate so we had to share space but we made it work. This was a fun time for me because I was able to meet many bottoms in a short amount of time because this was pretty fast paced. I had lunch with a friend at the patio restaurant, they served pretty good food because I ate there quite a bit. Then I met with another gentleman for a private session that afternoon before attending the ice cream social. Dinner was held that evening and I got dressed up a bit for that. The food was good and then we had door prizes and the spanking trivia game with lots of laughs. More suite parties this evening and I had the pleasure of Topping many more individuals. I also felt that I just had to ask Headmaster Tony to cane me because, well, he's Headmaster Tony! So of course he did and it was fun.

FMS - Sunday

I slept in once again and did not make it to the CP Court but I hear that it was a blast for all those who went. I had a wonderful session with Jenni Mack that afternoon and we were able to visit a little bit afterwards which was really nice. The rest of the day was pretty leisurely for me and the group of us that was still around that evening car pooled over to a seafood restaurant that sat right on the beach. This was the first time that I'd ever eaten with the beach right under my feet. Back at the hotel I took a stroll on the beach with a gentleman who I've known awhile from out East and we both caught a few moments to spank each other out in the open, so now we can each say we've been spanked on a beach. Later on I was able to co-Top a friend of mine and get some laughs in during the session. Co-Topping is an opportunity that I don't have very often but I sure enjoy it! Oh, and I also broke an implement over someone's bottom this day. I didn't think I spanked with enough force to do such a thing, but I kept the broken implement as a souvenir, weird I know- haha!

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to all of you dad's out there!

I want to give a special thanks to those who provide a fatherly influence to those of us in the spanking world who crave it. There are so many individuals who did not get proper parenting from their real dad, including myself.

Speaking from my own heart, there are a couple of male Tops in my life that have said and done things to me that have sort of provided a "re-parenting" experience. Such things like: stern words of correction, hugs, tucking me into bed, encouragement, doling out discipline when it is necessary, etc, etc, etc... Many things may seem insignificant, but can be very meaningful and healing to the one on the receiving end.

Not every Top has the knack of being fatherly (or motherly), and not everyone desires to be such. It takes a special personality or skill set (maybe?), to be parental in your dealings with the bottoms in your life, and not everyone is skilled at it.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank the ones in my life who have functioned in this fatherly role to me at various times and to various degrees. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for doing & saying the things that you do. It has meant so much to me and fulfilled these longings in my heart that I NEVER thought would be fulfilled.

Love,

Alicia

Procrastination

2010-06-16T23:26:00.001-05:00

These last couple of weeks have been all about procrastination for me! I planned to get up a post about my experiences at Florida Moonshine...Did that happen? Nope. Also planned to finish up with my website and get it launched...another nada. BUT, I have been productive nonetheless. I finished designing my step-dad's website and launched it, and I've done other odds and ins that needed to be done.

Now it is off to L.A. tomorrow afternoon. I'll be there for a week and the plan is to shoot a couple of spanking videos and explore the mainstream acting scene a little bit. Much of this trip will be spent simply networking, getting myself "out there", and possibly finding an agent. I have my fingers crossed that I'll have some good opportunities that will come out of this trip.

I may even be able to snatch up some time on the plane rides to work on my website some more. I'm designing it myself, with no school whatsoever, just self-taught from various tools on the internet. If you are curious of what the general design might look like you can visit my "under construction" website at www.aliciapanettiere.com.

Bratting - Where is the line?

2010-05-30T12:06:00.002-05:00

I just read a post that Craig Aych put on his blog, "Dark Musing", a couple days ago and it sparked some of my own thoughts.

Craig writes:

I hate bratting. I don't hate intelligent arguments, the egging-on of individuals, a good bit of passive/aggressive behavior in the name of fun, but I hate bratting. "What's the difference?" you whine, stamping a foot down like Clever Hans. The difference is very clear to me. Bratting is this whiny, childlike annoyance. I don't think it's very becoming on grown women. Further, I have had four children, now mostly grown up. Over the last 23 years I've heard plenty of whining. I don't want to pay to fly across the country to be with a bunch of adults to hear more childish, lip-pouting Peewee Herman screeches. Does that make me a bad person? As stated above, I love good mental sparring, witty repartee and some good old fashioned verbal abuse, all in the name of a fun scene. Which is different than bratting. Make a mental note. link to article

When I first came into the spanking community, I was strictly a bottom who had an intense craving for loving, caring, and strict discipline from a parental-type authority figure. But I had one heck of a time developing a balance between Alicia the normal vanilla person and Alicia the bottom who wanted to misbehave to earn a spanking.

I would enter into a spanking chat room and brat relentlessly like there was no tomorrow. But to give myself a little bit of credit, I did limit my bratting to just those tops who I was willing to consent and submit to. I seemed to unconsciously attempt to hog the attention of certain individuals to goad them into scolding or spanking me, but what I didn't realize at the time was two-fold:

1) Tops aren't always "on" - They don't always feel like being in their top mode all the time. There are moments when they just want to hang out and observe the conversations and goings ons and just sit back and have a good time.

2) Tops desire to top more than just one person - If I hog their attention then they are unable to give other bottoms a piece of their top side. This was inconsiderate, even though I didn't mean for it to be.

Mind you, I didn't recognize these things until something like months after the fact and what really helped me to see it clearly was becoming a top myself. I also have seen and experienced other bottoms doing similar things that I did, and have been asked questions by individuals intent on being able to discern for themselves what the appropriate balance and boundaries are to bratting.

A common statement that I hear from new bottoms is: I want to do something to get into trouble, but I don't want to get in "real trouble" and have the Top mad at me. I have made this statement on numerous occasions myself. There are alot of bottoms who require a valid reason for a spanking and without one the spanking would mean nothing to them. Many don't go for role play so they need to have some kind of avenue to create a reason to be punished.

I will attempt to explain and maybe it will help you understand...

Consider who the top is - What is their personality? What are their likes & dislikes when it comes to scene related things? If you cannot answer these questions, then I would advise to put a halt to your bratting and focus your attentions first on getting to know the top. Engage in some conversation with him or her whether that be via phone, email, IM, or in-person. Just as you would expect a top to know your limits physically, you need to get to know that top's bratting limits.

The majority of tops that I have bottomed to don't care all that much for bratting, just as Craig has written. There are some who will tolerate it to various extents, but the key word here is "tolerate". Do any of us really want to do something that causes another person to have to tolerate it, or do we want to relate in such a way that makes a scene pleasurable for both individuals? So it will take some upfront communication for you to identify those who enjoy being bratted to. I can assure you that they are out there, you'll just need to take the time to figure out which ones they are.

Is it age-play? - Take for instance whining, stomping feet, pouting, etc. Are these behaviors that adults usually partake in, or is it more acceptable (or should I say expected) from a child? Consensual adult discipline spanking is not age-play. There is absolutely nothing wrong with age-play and it is often combined with spanking by those who enjoy it. But the truth is that age-play is a whole separate fetish in and of itself and it is best that you talk with the person you are bottoming to in order to determine if this is a fetish of their's as well.

Personally, I enjoy age-play and can very easily regress in age when I'm being scolded and spanked. But I try to be conscious of this fact and limit it when bottoming to someone who does not share this fetish.

Encourage the top to use safe words - Just like tops will say, they cannot read our minds when it comes to the physical side of spanking. They encourage bottoms to use safe words if they need to have the intensity adjusted. I take this one more step when I visit with those that bottom to me. I let them know that if their bratting crosses the line with me I will use a safe word so that it catches their attention and lets them know that they've gone over the boundary and need to reel it in so that we can both enjoy the scene. If there is no method in place to let a bottom know this then they will continue on, assuming that it doesn't bother you. But by all means don't let these safe words replace the much needed communication before hand. A top should communicate these boundaries to you in advance, and if they have not, then it becomes your responsibility to ask them.

Confess real-life misbehaviors - This is an option for those who don't mind baring their soul and being punished for real offenses they have committed. This could be anywhere from minor things such as not eating your fruits and veggies, clear up to being physically abusive to someone in your life, and beyond. It takes a huge level of trust to cross over into the real-life issues, but for many people the rewards are well worth the risks. But of course, this is not for everyone.

Do not brat to someone you are unwilling to give your consent to - This one is a biggie. If you brat off to a Top that you are not going to allow to spank you it is sending them mixed signals. It is like dangling a nice juicy steak in front of a dog but not allowing them to eat it. Just don't do it.

General ideas when "bratting"- Never be rude. Think of it more along the lines of playful teasing that you would engage in with anybody in your life. Always be respectful. Be yourself and don't try to force brattiness. If you are naturally a more quiet, laid back person then go with it. On the other hand, if you are normally outspoken and ornery, then do as you normally would in social situations in the vanilla world. If you want to know how to let a top know that you'd like to be spanked and can only be spanked with good reason, then talk to them and see what would work best for the two of you. No two tops are alike, and the key to having successful spanking scenes and ongoing relationships with the tops that you enjoy is COMMUNICATION. Before, during, and after a scene, and It's worth saying again - Neither Tops or bottoms can read minds.

So I hope you've enjoyed reading my thoughts, opionions, and suggestions, and hopefully something I have said here will help you make more sense of this topic as it relates to you and your unique ways. Bratting can be a very fine artform...do it well. If anything helps please drop me a line because I'd love to hear about it. :)

Have a good one,

~Alicia~

Praise to a great photographer & artist

2010-05-27T00:19:00.000-05:00

I recently did a trade shoot with a local photographer by the name of Ezhini. He posted a casting call on Model Mayhem looking for a girl to model a vintage leather jacket and I responded with the hopes of using the images to develop my modeling portfolio. He accepted and since I was driving from somewhat of a distance he offered to allow me to shoot a second theme if I desired. I went out on a limb and brought up my desire to have images of myself as a "Top" so that I could promote myself as a professional disciplinarian (more on that in a later post). Ezhini agreed to this and instructed me to bring anything at all that I thought I would need in order to make good images for this.

Ezhini did not know what all this spanking stuff entailed, so he sat down and talked with me about my interest in spanking and how a spanking session would actually go. Although he would be termed a "vanilla" person, he took a real interest in this thing we do and made me feel extremely comfortable talking about it.

The end result was some absolutely fantastic images that really capture the emotions behind spanking, whether that be topping or bottoming. Through our conversations he explained to me that his goal is to understand and capture the emotions so that it shows through in his photography. I think he accomplished his goal during our photo shoot. He really "got it"...he understood what spanking is all about to me and many others who are of the disciplinary bent. And the funny part? He didn't even get to his original purpose of the photo shoot (remember, lady in the leather jacket) because he became so engrossed in my spanking theme. LOL!

I will definitely be shooting with him again sometime down the road and would absolutely recommend him to anyone looking to have photographs done in order to express a particular subject, fetish or otherwise. Ezhini - art, design & photography is based in Wichita, Kansas and can be found on the web.

Audrey Knight's blog - Spanking 360

2010-05-25T23:37:00.001-05:00

I have added a new blog link for Audrey Knight's blog that is titled, "Spanking 360". She stared her blog right around the same time that I did. Audrey is a very cute switch who produces spanking videos and offers professional disciplinarian sessions for those who desire them. Her looks remind me a little of Bettie Page, and she has such an adorable accent.

Her and I have been in communication about the possibility of shooting together, and of course I would be more than thrilled to have the opportunity. Check out her blog and follow her progress as she embarks on managing her own spanking video production company, Spanking 360!

Here comes Florida Moonshine!

2010-05-24T10:47:00.003-05:00

I am all registered and have my plane ticket to attend the FMS Tropical Beach Party that is taking place here in just a couple of weeks. I'm excited to be going because 1) I've never been to an FMS event, and 2) I've never been to Florida!

My flight gets in a little before noon on Thursday the 3rd, and then I fly back out on Monday evening. I'm excited to meet everybody and make some connections. Please introduce yourself if you see me around. This is gonna be fun!!

btw, if there are any production companies that are looking to shoot during this event please contact me. The best place to reach me is on Fetlife, Spankolife, or Model Mayhem. :)

Also, I had some new pics done just a few weeks ago and have started to receive the edited images back. Here is one from the "vanilla" shoot. The above picture was done by Ryte Image Photography. I also did a spanko shoot to get images of me in my topping getup. I can't wait to get them back so I can share those with you!

See you soon!

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T13:52:00.001-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there. I hope that your days are each filled with love, relaxation, and maybe even a bit of spanking. :)

A special thank you to those who may not have children of their own, but who provide disciplinary guidance to those who are in need of the loving correction that you provide. You fulfill alot of peoples' fantasies, desires, and needs! There are so many of us out here that long for parental discipline and I am glad that there are individuals like you who are willing and able to provide it.

New blog link added - Tasha Lee's Kinky Corner

2010-05-06T15:47:00.001-05:00

I have recently come across the blog that Tasha Lee writes, called Tasha Lee's Kinky Corner. I have enjoyed reading her posts and looking through the archives and thought you all might like it too.

Tasha is the founder of Bum Rap Productions, a company that produces high quality spanking videos. Along with her husband Yoni, they run a spanking club based in Chicago, Chicago Crimson Moon.

I am tenatively planning to go to the Summer Spanktacular Party that is scheduled for July 29 - 31st. I look forward to meeting Tasha and all the other spankos that attend these events. Hopefully I'll get to connect with some of you that are readers of my blog too!

Telling the "vanillas" in our lives

2010-05-02T21:21:00.000-05:00

There are actually some people in my life who know about my spanking fetish. Just a handful of people, and mainly they are friends of mine- those people who I include in my life by choice. It seems much harder to tell family members about this interest.

I have gotten a range of reactions from those I have told. One friend laughed hysterically at it. She wasn't laughing at me or mocking me, but she truly found the scenario of me subjecting myself to being spanked funny. I found it very easy to laugh right along with her because there are many times I find it funny myself. I mean, why in the world would I actively seek out a spanking? LOL!!!

Another found it a little odd, but when I described the reasons behind my craving discipline, she became understanding. It made sense to her that I would long for something that I didn't get as a child and she totally agreed with me seeking it now as long as it was just a few times until that need was met. In fact, I even thought I would just be spanked a few times and then be done with it. Now, over a year later, my interest is just as strong and I continue to travel across the country to be spanked. Unfortunately, this friend has slowly withdrawn from me over the months and now I don't hear from her much.

A girl that I work with knows and is very accepting of it. She likes to hear all about my travels and video shoots. In fact, she wanted to watch part of a vid and I agreed. I do have to admit that I felt very awkward about having a vanilla friend watch me being spanked.

Back in September when I first got asked to be in a video I was so excited that I just had to tell somebody. So I told grandma! She is still the only family member who knows about my interest in spanking. I think she understands a little bit due to the way I was raised, but she definitely supports my involvement in videos since she knows that I've wanted to perform almost all of my life.

The counselor that I used to see somehow goaded it out of me because I had no intention whatsoever of telling her. Spanking is not an area of my life that I feel I need "helped" or "fixed". But after I told her, she found one way or another to sneak it into a session and use it as a reason for why I was having trouble with other things in my life.

I opened up to someone that I went to church with and she totally was against it and saw it as nothing but sexual. Regardless of how much I tried to explain it in different ways she never would open up her mind and really listen to what I was saying.

The lady that I eat lunch with at work knows because I found it hard to hide from her the real reasons for all my trips and time off work. She somewhat understands and asks about it from time to time. But each and every time that I go she worries about me and tells me to "be careful!".

I am glad that there are people in my life that I can share this secret part of me with. The vast majority of them have been accepting, even though they don't understand. For just the two relationships that I have lost, I have gained many more good friends and people who will accept me for who I am. I am grateful.

Long Distance Disciplinarian

2010-04-29T21:21:00.001-05:00

I have a long distance disciplinarian who has been working with me on real-life issues since this past December. This type of relationship does not seem to be very common but it has been helpful for me. Probably among the people that have this sort of relationship, each one is unique. I am going to share a little about mine since it has been so good for me and maybe it will open a new avenue to consider for those who crave ongoing discipline.

It started with communication, which is soooo important. I'd had scenes with this person before and enjoyed them because he was really able to get inside of my headspace. I knew that I wanted something more along the lines of 24/7, but since I don't live in close proximity, I opted to pursue this. We spoke over the phone about my request and exchanged some emails about what we each envisioned this type of relationship to be. Limits, wants, needs, acceptable punishments, and life issues were discussed. Then we agreed on a "plan" and began.

I am required to keep a behavior log where I record whether or not I have complied with the behaviors/rules that have been established. Trust and honesty play a big factor in making this sort of thing successful, since he cannot see for himself whether I am obeying. I email the behavior log to him each week, but if I have broken any rules I am required to let him know throughout the week so that a punishment can be decided upon.

The punishments that I have received vary according to the seriousness of the offense and whether I have been disciplined for that offense before. I have been sent to the corner, scolded, assigned lines & essays, sent to bed early, made to report to work early, grounded, given extra exercise, self-spanking, and in person spanking when feasible.

Originally I wasn't too sure that the self-spanking would work for me. I had tried it before and found that I just couldn't spank myself very hard and it also just wasn't effective because nobody had scolded me. I sort of reluctantly agreed to try it and I was fairly amazed at just how effective it was. He had me turn on my webcam while he was on the phone. I was scolded prior to the spanking, and then instructed to get into position (bending over the arm of the couch works well for me). He tells me what implements to use and how long & hard to spank. My webcam is positioned so that he can see me spanking myself so he is assured that I am using enough force. Inflicting pain on myself takes obedience to a whole new level and having him scold me before, during, and after makes the punishment very real.

In addition to the discipline, he also shows a real interest in my life and seeing me succeed. It has that parental feeling that I have craved for so long. There are always hugs and encouragement, even when I have messed up. He's had plenty of opportunities to give up on me because I can be very stubborn and resistant at times, but he has persisted. Of course this persistance on his part has meant that I've been subjected to some pretty tough discipline, but I know that it is what I need.

L.A. Report, etc.

2010-04-27T22:54:00.001-05:00

This trip was extremely fast, but it was very good to get away. I enjoyed the shoot and got to work with Snow Mercy again and Alanah Rae who I met for the first time. Clare got enough content for 3 videos which will air on her sites sometime in the future. Clips of my first video, "Aunt Bella", are still airing on Girl Spanks Girl, so I think the plans are to wait awhile before running the newest vids.

The scene with my script went well. It was pretty cool to have the opportunity for something that I wrote to be made into a video. But I'm thinking maybe next time I might just have a general scene idea with some key phrases and such instead of having to stress over memorizing lines. We ended up not having enough time to shoot the entire script so we had to cut it a little sort, which is a little disappointing but I suppose there will be other opportunities. That's one (of the many) drawbacks to living in the Midwest and not being local to L.A.

The reason it was so good to get away this past weekend is that I'm having problems with my "day job". I've about had the last straw with it and am sooooo ready to just quit. So being out of town and focusing of fun stuff was what I needed so that I didn't constantly have normal work on my mind. There have been many, many times over the decade+ that I've been employed with the company I am at that that I have come to this same point of being totally unhappy. A friend of mine said that since I keep reaching this point of unhappiness and frustration that maybe I have been making the wrong decision to stay, and now might be time for me to make the decision to finally leave. It sounds good to me, though the fear of the unknown totally scares me. The struggle right now is to just hang on until I can find something else, since I do have bills to pay.

So I'm in the job market and I would really like to take this opportunity to make a career change. I've had a dream for a long time to pursue a career in some aspect of performing arts, but I've always been scared of failure and financial difficulties. I suppose though that everyone has to take that risk eventually...to change, to be happy, and fulfilled. I know a huge part of making this sort of transition is that I would have to move to where the opportunities lie. There is nothing holding me back...but fear. Ahhh...decisions, decisions.

Video shoot this weekend

2010-04-21T18:44:00.001-05:00

I fly out to L.A. on Friday for a video shoot with Clare Fonda this weekend. I'm nervous in a different way for this shoot because I wrote a script for part of it and I really want it to turn out good and for people to like it. It is a little different than the normal spanking video because there is more leading up to and following the spanking. This is going to be very similar to my personal interest in spanking and my "head space" because there is alot of scolding and aftercare. When I get back home I will let you know how it goes and hopefully be able to give you an idea of when it might be available to watch. I'm excited! :)

2010-04-19T18:38:00.002-05:00

I'm off the Mountain and back in the airport waiting on my return flight home. The Spanking Weekend always goes by way to fast and I'm never ready to leave. Each time I go it seems to get better and better. I even cried this time because I was so sad to have to go home and leave everyone.

This time I primarily topped and it had a very different feel, but it was good. What I liked most about topping was that I was able to help others reach the places inside themselves that they desired to go. I like to help people experience healing & fulfillment much in the way that I have experienced it when I am being spanked. There were many good scenes that I enjoyed with multiple people, and I want to thank you all again for trusting me enough to allow me to top you. I know it is a very vulnerable position to be in.

Of course all my topping did not prevent me from bottoming while I was there. I had many wonderful sessions where I was mentally & emotionally taken to places that I needed to go. Sometime I will share some details of sessions that I have had, but I'm not quite ready just yet.

I acquired 2 new implements while I was there: a wooden bath brush and a sorority paddle. The paddle came in very handy with a few of the guys, but I have no intentions whatsoever of experiencing it for myself. On the other hand, the bath brush was given to me by my disciplinarian to be used for self-spanking since he doesn't live near me. Believe me, I tried to get him to keep it since my luggage was too heavy, but he insisted that I take it. Sucks to be me I guess, but it was definitely worth a try.

Thank you Ms. Margaret & Mr. Ryder for a great weekend so that we could come immerse ourselves in this world of ours. Myself and many others appreciate all that you do for us. xoxoxo

Road Trip!

2010-03-20T12:53:00.001-05:00

So much for no travels in March! Yesterday when I got off work I just up and decided to drive to Dallas to see a friend for the weekend. She is a bottom that I met in the scene and we are partners in crime when I am in my bottom mode. Her and I have become very good friends and it is cool to come down and see her neck of the woods. I got here at 3am this morning and am enjoying the change of environment. Don't know what we'll do today, the weather is pretty chilly, windy, and rainy, but it is sure better than the weather back home - snow. It is too bad that I couldn't have come down last weekend for the Texas All-State Spanking Party, but hopefully I will be able to go to that some other time.

April travels

2010-03-14T22:30:00.004-05:00

March has been pretty uneventful as far as traveling is concerned- I miss it! But April will definitely make up for it. I leave on April 15th to the Spanking Weekend in the Mountains for 5 days of being totally immersed in the spanking lifestyle. This will be my 3rd time attending and each time I never want to leave because it is so good to escape real-life and live my fantasy 24/7. What I like best about this is the gobs of time we have to experience the real feeling of domestic discipline that can sometimes be very hard to accomplish during a 3-hour party. The porch time is also nice because we'll get to hang out and talk with others of like minds. The pic to the right is me in my St. Margaret's Academy uniform bought from French Toast. On Saturday afternoon the Academy is in session for people who enjoy a "back-to-school adventure".

The very next weekend (April 23-25) I will be out in L.A. shooting with Clare Fonda, which I am looking forward to. It'll be my second trip out and I hope the videos will turn out great. I will shoot another full-length film and maybe one or two shorter ones that will go up on Clare's sites.

My spanking roommate

2010-03-09T21:53:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had a roommate that you wished SOOOO bad that you could spank? Well I sure have! I had always sworn that I would never ever have a roommate because of all the horror stories that I have heard, but against my better judgement, I succumed to opening up my home to my brother's girlfriend.

The arrangement was for her to rent a room from me for 1-2 months, which she did stick by, however I didn't see any rent money until 6 weeks into her stay because she kept coming up with excuses. She continuously left her bedroom & bathroom doors open, which normally wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that she left all her clothes and things scattered all over the floor. This was a problem because I have 3 dogs, one of which is a puppy who will chew and eat anything that he can get into his mouth. So as you can imagine, he ate many articles of her clothing, which is not only bad for her (time for a trip to the underwear store), but dangerous for the puppy. She left the front door unlocked on various occassions, which is just not a good idea no matter where you live (yes, even in the Midwest). She had some guy using my shower without permission, among other things. (*note - This is not my dog, just a pic I found on the internet: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/77131-undies-scoffing-puppy-saved-by-operation)

She is only 19 years old, still a kid really, and didn't understand the meaning of responsibility. Luckily she moved out without too much of a struggle because I so did not want to have to take legal action or anything. It is soooooo good to have my house back to normal again.

Even though I told her on more than one occasion that she needed to stop doing things, I still always had a desire to just take her over my knee and give her a good spanking! I could just imagine her face if I had actually done that! All this makes me think of Clare's site that is dedicated especially to roommates...Maybe someday I'll be able to play this out on video, who knows.

Roommates....Who needs them.

Where's the horse?

2010-03-04T20:55:00.006-06:00

There was a pretty good turnout at the Scony party this past weekend, especially considering the weather! Alot of flight delays out East, but by the time I flew out last Friday, JFK & LaGuardia were both operating as usual. Just a little jaunt West and the snow was still coming down, but I managed to land ahead of schedule.

The parties are held at the LGBT center in Greenwich Village and I went early to help with the setup. Quite a load is brought in to make the party environment as private & fun as possible: Fabric walls (for privacy cubicles), a couple of saddles, string lighting, decorations, food & drinks, a sound system, etc. It never fails, when you carry a saddle into a building someone is going to inquire as to where the horse is, LOL. Everytime, I'm not kidding you! Now how do you answer a question like that? I have yet to come up with a good answer, but I'm sure open to suggestions. And in case you are wondering - some spankees are bent over a saddle to be spanked.

There was a funny happening as I was attempting to setup. Someone had the idea to move a baby grand piano to a different spot in the room and I was summoned to help. We rolled the piano to the designated place and walked away. When I looked over my shoulder, the piano was slowly rolling out towards the middle of the floor and I ran to catch it. This was a feable attempt because I am absolutly no match for a kazillion ton piano, and as you can imagine, I was holding the piano from behind while yelling, "help, HELP, the piano is out of control!", as it was dragging me across the floor. But all ended well, help did come, and I lived to tell about it.

After the piano was secured and the party had started, I was spanking non-stop. 4 hours sure sounds like a long time, but it really isn't when you are busy taking care of people's disciplinary needs. I wasn't able to tend to everyone who needed and wanted my attention but hopefully I will cross paths with them at future parties. It was a great group of people and I certainly enjoyed myself. Both Ms. Margaret & Mr. Ryder take alot of care to provide a good atmosphere to explore and experience our spanking fantasies.

2010-02-21T12:04:00.003-06:00

I'm lying here in bed watching the snow fall. It is pretty when you are looking at it from the inside out, but later today I'm going to have to get out and drive in it, ugghh. Some friends and I are going to see 'Avatar' at the movie theater and I look forward to that because the special 3-D effects are supposed to be awesome.

Next weekend I'm headed to NYC to stay with some friends and go to the Scony party. I have my fingers crossed that it doesn't snow or anything else that would cause the flight to be cancelled. I really need to get away for a little while because work has been stressful lately and there is nothing better than being with people who have like-minds and be able to unwind and have some fun.

March is pretty quiet on the travel front for me. No trips planned so I hardly know what I'm going to do with myself since I'm not going anywhere all month. April is the Spanking Weekend in the Mountains, the day after taxes are due! This will be my third time going and I wouldn't miss it for the world. My flights are booked and I'm pretty much all set. I'll write a little about my experiences at these weekends sometime this week so you can get an idea of what goes on, and if you're interested in coming there is still time to sign up.

~Alicia~

Daydreaming

2010-01-31T22:33:00.001-06:00

I got back last night from Chicago and spent the day relaxing today. I was with my family and it was totally "vanilla". I had a family member graduating from Navy bootcamp and it was great to see and I am SO proud.

During my time away, I found myself daydreaming quite a bit about spanking & discipline. Replaying scenes that I have had with various people in my head and somewhat re-experiencing them, mentally. It is so nice to have memories of good discipline scenes that I can revisit at will, putting myself back in the moment. Since I don't live near a spanking community, I'm glad that I am able to daydream at moments that I am longing to be punished. My behavior wasn't bad or warranting punishment in any way, I just wanted that feeling of someone caring and keeping me accountable and taking the time to punish me. There's just something about it.

~Alicia~

Busy, busy

2010-01-24T01:10:00.002-06:00

I've been pretty busy lately with various things and haven't been able to take the time for my blog as I had been. Work has been keeping me busy with year-end activities, though it is actually year beginning since it is already January. It always seems to take all of January to get everything wrapped up, but it is starting to settle down finally.

Last weekend I was in NY at the Scony party, which was alot of fun. I got to enjoy time with friends and spank & be spanked. Get this....I told ya'll that I got some new implements, right? Well, I purchased them for me to use on other people, not to have them used on me! LOL. But as it turned out, I was spanked with my own implements before I even got to the party, which is SO unfair. But this is the spanking world, so is there ever any "fair" here? (note to newbies: This was consensual and was not against my will)

On the personal front, I'll be traveling again next weekend to the Chicago area for a family event. Then on two separate weekends in February, I am looking forward to welcoming a couple people into my home from out of town. I am excited that after all the traveling that I've done this past year, people are coming out to see me...Should be a blast. I have fallen behind quite a bit in answering my personal emails- I think some of this is due to all the emails that I have been getting at work lately (between 100-150 a day), and when I come home I just don't want to look at another email. I hope to soon get into an "email frenzy" and respond to those of you who have contacted me.

Plans are in the works for another video with Clare Fonda. I believe the shoot could possibly take place in just a few months, but none of the details have been worked out yet. I will of course keep you updated.

~Alicia~

I will be at the SCONY party this Saturday!

2010-01-13T20:16:00.005-06:00

I am looking forward to the SCONY party this Saturday night in NYC! I'll be there toting my brand "spanking" new implements and ready to discipline those who have been misbehaving. I'd love to see you all there, and please come up and introduce yourself if you are able to make it.
~Alicia~

PARTY INFO:
SCONY Spanking Party at LGBT Center in Greenwich Village
January 16th, 2010
Time: 7:30 - 11:30 pm

LGBT Center, First Floor
208 West 13th Street
Rm 301
New York City

Bring something for the food table.
A modest amount of BYOB is allowed.
This is a good opportunity to come out in an non-threatening atmosphere and a great place to meet the people you interact with online. Small areas are blocked off for privacy.

RSVP by emailing Ms. Margaret if you plan to attend.

(Ladies, there is no pressure to do anything. Introduce yourself to Ms. Margaret, and she'll do what she can to make you feel at home.)

Very important: Please read the SCONY Protocols before attending. It will ensure a good and fun time for all.

Is it sexual?

2010-01-10T10:16:00.003-06:00

Of course it is! To many people who enjoy giving or receiving a spanking, the pleasure often lies in the sexual overtones and/or the eventual act of intercourse.

Spanking is not always sexual though. In fact for some people, myself included, sex is the furtherest thing from their mind. I definitely recognize that I fall into the minority among the spanking community. From reading and talking with people, I find that the vast majority are involved in spanking because they enjoy the erotic aspects of spanking. Many of them have asked me to help them understand how it is that I do not view it as sexual. Sometimes I am sucessful in explaining my viewpoint but often I have not been- or maybe the person just didn't want to hear what I was saying. I will give it a shot in the dark and see if I can help make sense of it here...

I am into purely discipline spanking. I like to be held accountable for my behavior, and when I have misbehaved it is comforting to know that I will be "brought to task". Spanking for me is just one small piece of the puzzle- actually a very small piece. You see, I hate being spanked. I get absolutely no thrill or enjoyment out of having my bottom swatted over and over again, as I do not like being in pain. There was a point that I was really confused about why it is that I consent to be spanked and why I craved it if I in fact hated it so much. Here is what a good friend shared with me:

It isn't the spanking you crave, it's the discipline out of which the spanking is borne. The spanking is a necessary part of it, because without something you really hated to have to undergo, the discipline/punishment would be ineffective. But it's the fact that someone is disciplining you that pushes the "good" button, even though it involves spanking you. Not really so complicated.

After reading this person's words, it started making more sense to me. It is discipline that I crave, not spanking in and of itself. Spanking is just one of many methods that can be used to administer discipline. Other consequences can include, but are not limited to: corner time, scolding, being sent to bed early, essays, writing lines, restriction from privileges, being grounded, extra chores, etc.

My mindset amidst all of this is extremely similar to that of a child when receiving parental discipline. The child does not want to be punished, but when the parent deals with the unacceptable behavior, in the end he/she feels loved, cared for, and safe within the boundaries that have been upheld.

Since my mind is viewing the spanker as somewhat of a parental authority figure, sex is completely out of the picture. I cannot wrap my mind around erotic sexual fulfillment and parental discipline- if I did so it would seem like incest in my mind. This is not necessarily "age play", but I must admit that sometimes when the spanking is happening I don't always feel my true age. When I am being dealt with it is very therapeutic and healing for me.

This is not to say that I don't recognize that it could be sexual for me if it was in the right context and situation. If I was with someone who I was in a romantic relationship with, I would definitely want to experiment with spanking in an erotic sense. The difference would definitely be that the intensity level would be turned way down and it would be very light, maybe with a little sensual rubbing. There would be no scolding or other disciplinary acts during this time.

These are my personal thoughts on the subject, and I hope that maybe I have enlightened some to a different take on spanking. I'd love to hear your feedback on this one.

~Alicia~

My new spanking implements!!!

2010-01-01T02:29:00.006-06:00

Yes, they have arrived in the mail, and are deserving of a post dedicated especially to them! I can't wait to finally top with my very own implements instead of having to borrow other people's, hehe. But for now, they sit unused in my drawer until I make it out to the SCONY party here in a couple weeks.

I had been looking for leather paddles off and on for several months now, until I happened upon the Leather Thorn Paddles website, and found a couple that I really liked.

I like this one because it is very feminine looking and cute! I think it has a "stingy" feel to it. And yes, I did smack myself with it (just once though).

It is all about the cute-ness factor for me. Once again, I think this paddle is cute also, and it is kind of like a cross between a paddle and a strap. I like the detailing on the paddle portion. This one has a little bit of a THUD to it.

Reflecting back on 2009

2009-12-31T19:02:00.002-06:00

2009 has definitely been the best year for me so far! The year is coming to a close, and what a year it has been for me. All of 2009 was spent learning and exploring my spanking fantasies. Last year at this time I had just joined the SCONY chat and looking forward to my very first party. I honestly didn't think I would still be involved in this because I thought it was just an experience or two that I craved and once I had those then I'd be done with it. But nope, here I am still in it and loving it even more.

I started as a bottom, became a switch for a couple months, and now consider myself to be a top in social situations and parties. My bottom side has became a thing for my personal life, as the type of discipline sessions that I crave do not lend themselves very well to be played out during a party, because these sessions tend to be of a serious and personal nature.

When I started this, I never in a million years thought I would actually own an implement, and especially didn't think I would buy one for myself! But a week ago I did just that. For those who want to bottom to me, my scene name is now Ms. Panettiere; but I am still "Alicia" for those who do not want me to top them. My top persona is taken from my own desires and cravings that I have as a bottom to be disciplined and scolded. I bring that into the topping realm and treat those I top just as I like being treated as a bottom, for the most part.

Aside from the spanking, I have met some of the most wonderful people in this community. This is like a family to me, and surprisingly enough, I enjoy just being with people in the community even if it wasn't for the spanking. I'm very, very thankful for the friendships that I have formed over the past year, you know who you are, and THANK YOU.

The video was also an exciting thing for me this year, and I look forward to what opportunities that 2010 might bring my way.

Happy New Year!!! I wish you all a wonderful 2010.

Preface

2009-12-26T22:02:00.001-06:00

Before I delve any further into talking about my experience and thoughts on spanking, I just wanted to let you know that that is all it is- My own thoughts, experience and opinions. I have not been involved in this long enough to have all the answers (or any of them for that matter). But I do enjoy talking about this subject that is so near & dear to my heart.

The more time that passes I see that this thing we do is not the same for all people. We all bring our own past experiences and different desires into spanking, and it continues to amaze me just how different, yet the same, we actually are. What is right for me very well may not be right for other people. But what I hope is that we all strive to understand each other and allow the freedom to be different (as long as we are causing no harm, of course).

Openly talking about it and allowing others to read my writing makes me feel less ashamed of this "fetish" that I have. Most of the time I don't even think of it as a fetish...It is just who I am. The longer I am involved in this the more I see that it is not shameful, it is just that the vanilla world does not understand or comprehend it. They deem anything that doesn't fit perfectly into their mold to be weird or deviant- but who determines normal, really?

So...I hope you enjoy it. If you do please drop me a line so I know people are reading it. :)

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-23T22:55:00.001-06:00

The holidays came up too fast this year! I just finished up all my shopping today and am ready for the family activities that I have planned for the rest of this week and thru the weekend. I wish everyone a Happy Holidays and a safe & fun New Year. Hope you enjoy the time with your family and friends.

Also wanted to let you know that all of the pics are up and the video clips have now started to post on Clare's sites. On Girl Spanks Girl, you'll find "Aunt Bella"; and the Lily Spank-office scene is on Spanked Sweeties...

A couple pics from "Aunt Bella"

2009-12-19T01:29:00.002-06:00

Premiere of "Lily Anna" on Spanked Sweeties

2009-12-17T20:31:00.004-06:00

Clare just let me know this afternoon, that she posted photos on Spanked Sweeties from the office scenario shoot that we did. This video was totally spontaneous. We had just wrapped up shooting for "Aunt Bella", and were getting ready to pack up, but decided to do another scene. I enjoyed this one just as much as the other. But boy, this Mr. Sanders guy (a.k.a. Colonel Sanders, lol) spanks HARD!

Lily Anna was very cool to shoot with and she helped me TONS by showing me the ropes of my first video. She got her start modeling for Punished Brats, and has branched out from there. I think she is sooooo cute in the pics and videos that I've seen her in!

"Aunt Bella" premiered today on Girl Spanks Girl!

2009-12-14T23:51:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post to let you know that the shoot premiered today on Girl Spanks Girl! Clare Fonda also has a short write-up about it on her blog. Today some of the photos were posted and then more (photos and the video) will be added in the days to come.

My personal interest in spanking

2009-12-09T15:08:00.006-06:00

My interest goes well beyond simply spanking. In fact, to really break it down, I hate being spanked! I do not like being in pain and spanking hurts. I know this is kind of weird coming from a self-proclaimed "spanko". Let me explain...

This interest of mine is better described as a longing and craving for things that I missed out on as a child. I longed for discipline, but didn't get it. The earliest that I can remember having this desire was in my middle school years. I would purposely do things to get in trouble with teachers so that they would punish me and show that they cared. I daydreamed alot about what it would be like to be disciplined by a caring but stern parental-type figure.

Once I reached adulthood, I believed I needed to come to terms with this unfulfilled longing and put it out of my mind once and for all. Afterall, this was embarrassing to me that I had these desires still and it couldn't possibly be normal, could it? I was fairly successful at this for almost 10 years, although I had the occassional episode where I would crave discipline so much that I would cry. It was during one of these crying episodes about a year ago that I searched the internet and found Ms. Margaret's website. I read every single word on her site that evening and it all was exactly how I felt and what I'd been searching for. An adult spanking community existed and there were actually others who wanted the same things that I did.

Some words that particularly spoke to me from Ms. Margaret's writings on her website:

While the striking with a hand, hairbrush or paddle may be intense, the atmosphere is one of control and loving concern. The words seem to come straight from a parent's lips, "You know what's going to happen and you know why. We have talked about this before, and you chose not to follow my instructions. Now, bring me the hairbrush and get over my knee."

The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after stroke on the raised bottom. Should there be any signs of resistance, the one in charge should have a number of solutions readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this spanking will happen according to plan.

The above is taken from: http://scony.com/styles-of-spanking.html

The Ritual

Possibilities:

spanking for very real offenses or role-play

privacy, serious atmosphere, serious spanking

forewarning, fearful anticipation

sent to a room to wait, corner time

having to ask for the spanking

being told to present the implement

scolding, explanation beforehand

addressing someone as "sir" or "ma'am" during this time

having pants removed or being told to remove them

being told to assume a position or being placed in position

cuddle time afterwards or isolation (e.g., being sent to bed)

closure and forgiveness

The above is taken from: http://scony.com/spanking-possibilities.html

To me, this is all about therapy and healing. Discipline had been missing in my life as a child, and this is now a way to get it back. When I am being punished now as an adult, I tend to feel and/or see myself at a younger age, maybe 15 or so. It is like I go back to that time in the past to get the discipline and nurturing that I should have gotten. Though I can't say that I "enjoy" any of this, I do long for it. The scolding, corner time, restriction from privileages, and yes, spanking.

The feeling of being disciplined, contrite, nurtured, and loved is the end goal. Just like what a child receives from a parent.

Welcome to my spanking blog!

2009-12-08T17:10:00.001-06:00

I decided to start this blog to chronical my spanking journey. I am new to both blogging & spanking, so please be patient :).

I got home last night from my trip to L.A. to shoot my very first spanking video with Clare Fonda which will be shown on her site, Girl Spanks Girl. I'm not sure of the release date yet, but once I know I will be sure to post it here. I had a blast shooting it and hope that everyone will like it.

While I was in Cali, I got a head cold so I am laying around trying to recover from that. Once I feel better, I will tell you a little more about my experience in L.A., and my own personal interest in spanking. But for now I'm going to get a little rest.

~Alicia~